Thursday, November 7, 2013

17 weeks

This is week 1 of child care. It sucks. I miss her and it hurts me. She's doing well and adjusting well. 

She hasn't pooped in 7 days. Worrisome??

My mil said she wished she could feed baby Girl so I could eat dinner. As in breastfeed. Weird. Pissed me off. I haven't seen S all day and you wanna feed her for me? No thanks. I can live without the food. She rang the door bell a few weeks ago. Wtf?? Who rings a doorbell knowing a baby might be asleep?

Wife had paci in her pocket. Left it at work. Last night she took paci from daycare. Tonight she had to drive back to work and get it. Forgetful. 

My bday is coming up. Doesn't seem real. Doesn't seem important. 

I look forward to the wknds so much. 

She blows lots of spit bubbles. She loves to mimic. She's very nosey. Her smiles make everything OKAY. I love her so much. 

Thursday, October 24, 2013

She laughed...REALLY laughed!!

She had been fussy all evening. When my MIL came in for the evening she SCREAMED like she had been hurt. She finally calmed down by nursing--multiple times. We wanted to show the MIL a new wall hanging in the nursery my Wife had put up for pictures this past weekend. We put baby Girl in the crib and held the little felt mobile we got at IKEA above her. My Wife had held it above her a few days prior when I was asleep and said she loved it. It was obvious she really does LOVE this. We started trying to think of ways to attach it to her green leaf above her crib. We tried duck tape but that didn't spin it so my Wife got some twine and ran it over the leaf and now the mobile moves. Baby Girl got SO tickled at it once that she started laughing. I mean REALLY laughing. It's almost like she couldn't stop for a minute. It was SO adorable!! My Wife and I both started crying, it was the sweetest moment.

A week from today I return to work. I hope it goes well, for both of us.

We have the first home study meeting today for the 2nd parent adoption. Yay!! We tried to clean the house some yesterday but with baby Girl being cranky it was hard. Plus my MIL didn't offer to help and baby Girl wouldn't let her hold her without crying. My Wife stayed up cleaning last night while I put baby Girl to sleep.

I think my Wife figured out why she has meltdowns--trapped air in her digestive tract. I will try to burp her better and longer and see if that works better.

Baby Girl is 15 weeks old today. WOW!


Saturday, October 19, 2013

14 weeks

She still has endless smiles. We had her pictures made by a professional photographer that we won a contest from. She came to the house today. Feeding and timing were great. Baby Girl smiled a lot so I'm hoping she got some great shots!

She drools all the time. She grabs everything and hangs on for dear life, including my nipple this week one day. Ouch!! She grabbed my hair a few times, too. The Skwish is her favorite toy but she smiles at most anything that has color or a pattern, and strings on a shirt. 

I hate when she cries. Breaks my heart. Sometimes it's really hard. I know what those feel like. They hurt so bad. It's always fixable with milk. Hope that stays true at daycare. 

She is outgrowing clothes so quickly. 

Another week and a half left. I look forward to going to work but I feel it's going to be hard and stressful getting lunch ready and leaving on time in the mornings. Working around a baby's sleeping schedule is going to be tough!! 

I hope they let me leave work early a lot. I need money to pay bills but I would rather have my time with baby Girl. 

I've been looking at the Waldorf school here.  Wow!!






Monday, October 14, 2013

Three Months

She's 3 months now. She's drooling a lot I hope it's not teething. I read it can be because they don't know how to swallow their saliva yet. 

Mom asked if I want a thin gold band of grandmothers. They are guessing it was from her first husband. I said I would take it especially after finding out Lisa got the mothers ring. 

My wife booked us dinner at a restaurant I've been wanting to try. Yay!! I can't wait. So sweet. 

I don't want to countdown my days back to work but I realize it's getting close. 

We are going to be fingerprinted tomorrow for the second parent adoption. I'm also going to run up and get our background checks. Then we will be ready for the home study. 

Baby girl gives the best smiles. I love them. I love her. I hope she's always this sweet. 

I dread daycare. I dread getting a routine. I dread colds and all that crap. 

Ugh. I need to win the lottery. 


Friday, October 11, 2013

Three Months

Time has gone slow yet here we are at three months old today. I only have three more weeks until I return to work. It's been the best 16 weeks of my life but also the hardest. The first 8 weeks were not very enjoyable. Breastfeeding is hard work. Sleeping on a baby schedule is hard work too. How do they sleep SO much yet we were SO tired? 

She's three months old today. She's the most precious baby. I love her so much. My heart holds so much love and feelings for her. I get butterflies sometimes before feeding her. It's an excitement I feel. I hope that oozes out of my milk and she feels it. 

She's smiling all the time when she wakes up. Her new favorite toy is the Skwish. She's knawing on her hand a lot. She gets so aggravated because she can't get her thumb or finger open to suck on. She seems so big. The home scales show almost 13 pounds. 

We went back home to see some family from MN. It was just baby Girl and my MIL for the 2 hr ride. She did okay until we got almost back home and she had a meltdown. I got off the interstate and pulled into a Walgreens parking lot. Changing her diaper didn't seem to help so I nursed her. She finally calmed down. I don't understand what she hates about the car seat so much. Breaks my heart. 

I love you baby Girl. You fill a chamber of my heart I didn't know was there. Happy 3 months old!!

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Smiles

She's all smiles. When she wakes up she smiles, flirts, and coos. She has started swinging at the parakeet we have hanging on her changing table. She stares at him and appears to have conversations with him. It's too cute. She is outgrowing her clothes TOO fast.

She let me sing to her today. She was laying cross cradle in my arms looking up at me while I sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Mary Had a Little Lamb to her. I melted.

I have been thinking about the look on her face when I leave her at daycare. I cannot bare it. If she is sad or starts crying. What if she gets lonely with all the strangers? She will not know anyone and she's going to be in the arms of a complete stranger for 8 hours! That seems so cruel.

We are still co sleeping. Last night was rough--she was awake from 11 pm until 3:30 am. She flailed her arms and legs over and over. She never really cried. She fed and was wide awake. I finally took her to my Wife around 3 am. She suggested we give in to the paci...she sucked it immediately and fell asleep. She must have needed soothing. I feel guilty for not know what she needed. How could I be responsible for this little person and not know more about her in times of distress?

I return to work in this month of October. I don't want to count down the days, it's in the forefront of my mind. Some parts of me are ready to get a routine. Other parts dread the rough nights where I only get a few hours of sleep. I will miss our day in day out moments. I feel like day care will rob me of time with her. I know she needs the social interaction but I sure dread her getting sick, cold mornings, and rainy days. She'll make friends, tho, and that will be fun to watch.

We are starting the 2nd parent adoption process. We got paperwork emailed to us. We are securing a lawyer. Hopefully by the middle of January she will legally be my Wife's.

I love our baby girl.


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

11 weeks

According to Wonder Weeks she is entering a stormy spell. I would have to agree. I think she had a physical growth spurt over the weekend now a developmental leap is on the horizon. She's very clingy today. She slept almost all day yesterday. It was great!! 

We called the ped about some "stuff" in her privates. I think it's just normal discharge. BF babies have it more often. 

We are going to see our families this weekend. Another 2 hr car ride. Please Lord look down on us and have pity. I pray baby girl is good. 

My aunts brain cancer is back. Sucks. It's been almost 2 years since she discovered it. 

I love baby girls smiles. She talks to me in the mornings. She wakes up so happy. I love it!! I melt. I am in love with her. Life is as it should be now. 


Saturday, September 14, 2013

Vaccine

We went with Dr Sears delayed vaccine. She got the DtAP shot and Rotovirus in her mouth. She slept 7.5 hrs that night. She has never slept that long!! She has been very sleepy today. I hope she doesn't feel bad. 

We love her so very much. 


Friday, September 13, 2013

2 mo ped visit

She weighs 10.1 lbs, 22" long. She's finally in the 25th percentile. Bless her sweet self she's just so tiny!!

Ped says she sees a lot of high needs babies. Keep doing what we are doing. 

We decided to go with Dr Sears alternative vaccination schedule. She will go every month for a year rather than loading up every 2 months. She only got the rotovirus vaccine and Dtap vaccine today. Roto was given orally then I put her on my breast for the Dtap. She hadn't been latched on long before the nurse popped it in her little thigh. I was looking at her and saw sheer terror in her eyes. I started to bawl. Oh how it broke my heart to see that pain. Heaven forbid something happens to her that would cause her pain. Ugh, shots suck!! 

We went to a consignment sale and bought her some cute fall and winter clothes. My MIL came over tonight to play with our baby girl. While she babysat my Wife and I went thru all her clothes. We even put clothes in a box she can't wear anymore. Sad sad. She's getting big. She was a good baby today. Yesterday not so much. Very needy and clingy and nothing satisfied except the boob. She didn't want my Wife and that hurt her feelings. We may start bottles this weekend. More on that if we do. 

We are all in our bed tonight. Hope this works. We've been on the couch for several weeks. We shall see...




Wednesday, September 11, 2013

2 months

All those feelings of wondering why we did this are quickly vanishing. They had to be hormones. I can't imagine life without her. I crave her even when I am at my wits end. I need her. I want to be touching her. I need to know she's okay. When someone else holds her for long periods of time I miss her sweet skin. I love her so much. 

She's smiling, she loves an app on my phone but I read to not let them look at the screen. Ugh. She is awake a lot more. She's hard to put to sleep. She fights it. She places her hand on my breast when I feed her. It's the best feeling. She looks into my eyes when she's feeding. I talk to her. I want her to know I will always be there for her. 

Her smiles are the sweetest. It's so fulfilling to know I created that little body and I have what it takes to keep her alive. 

We think she may be a high needs baby. Time will tell but she fits the bill. 

We take daily walks outside. She loves the wind on her face but she loves the sunshine even more. She is never fussy when we walk her in the stroller around our neighborhood. 

I read articles that make me cry. Ones that tell me I will look back on these days fondly. I will, I already do. I will never regret holding her all day long. Never!! 

I will look forward to a date night again someday. When we start bottles, maybe that will happen. 

I love you my sweet precious baby girl. And I love you my Wife who I couldn't do this mommy thing without!! 

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

7 weeks 5 days

Nights are getting better. Baby Girl is sleeping about every 4 hours at night. She's fussy during the daytime but I will take that over fussy in the night. She is so sweet. We love seeing her smile. We haven't seen a true social smile but I don't think we are far away. I hate feeling we need to reach certain milestones since she was 3 weeks early. They say 37-40 weeks have same milestones but I think she's a little behind. She loves her app on my phone with contrast colors. We play that every day usually after her morning feeding. She also lays on her activity mat for about 15 min and we also do air time on her bum at that time. 

My Wife and I have been at wits end with each other mainly due to her mom. She always comes over on Wed nights. Since baby girl has been born she has acted weird when she comes over. The last 2 weeks she would barely talk to us and was plain rude. I had enough and went a little psycho Friday. I refused to go to dinner. Then I refused to go see my MIL then I refused to let my Wife take baby Girl to see her grandmother. That was the straw that threw both of us over the edge. My Wife bawled thinking I am going to take baby Girl away from her one day.  I will never do that. But she has in the back of her mind it will happen one day. We talked to my MIL later that night after we calmed down. She said she thought things would've been different. She thought she could drop over anytime without calling. She doesn't consider herself company. She would like to move back in. She wants to hold baby Girl all the time. None of this sits well with me. I don't like unexpected company and yes she is company. My wife, baby and I are a family unit. She is our family but not in our unit. It's weird she wouldn't want a separate life from us. I am better after our talk mainly bc I know where we rank. 

I need to somehow formulate the words to tell my Wife how I will never take baby Girl out of her life or leave her. 

Maybe once the adoption is done she'll feel better. 

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Baby

Raising babies is hard stuff!! Breastfeeding is not super easy. Still using the shield at 6 weeks (Thursday). She just this week sat in her swing longer than six minutes. She hated the car seat but the past few trips has done somewhat better. She is a wild child in the night. We don't know why. She sleeps and eats every four hours during the day. At night she likes to cluster feed...growth spurt feed...comfort and soothe feed, FEED FEED FEED!!! It wears on me. I get mentally exhausted more so than physically.

The hospital bills have begun to roll in. Ugh.

My Wife and I can be short with each other, mainly in the night when there are no solutions to a fussy baby.




Friday, August 2, 2013

Weight

I had my 3 week post delivery check-up yesterday. My OB said I was perfect. My incision looks great and I can take a bath now! He said I don't need to lift more than 20 pounds for another month then I have all restrictions off. My BP was 130/70. My weight was within 5 pounds of my starting weight. I asked the nurse how much I gained total and she said 20 pounds. It was actually a little more than that because I didn't go see the OB until week 10. I had gained about 5 to 8 pounds during that time. I can't deny that it didn't happen...but at least on paper in my medical record it didn't. Ha

I had to get away yesterday. I needed to know that I could escape, that I am not tied to this house. I left and drove down to the river and cleared my head for about thirty minutes. Wow that was great. I think it saved my sanity--especially with my parents visiting last night. They had already upset me due to not understanding text messages about dinner. Ugh. Sometimes I think I was adopted!!

I am working on my Wife's anniversary present. It's not our wedding anniversary but it's the day we committed to each other. I ordered her a custom money clip. It's got the tree of life on the front, and latitude/longitude coordinates on the back of our house. It shipped today so it should be here before 8/8.  I am writing her a long letter telling her what "FAMILY" now means to me, what our relationship now means, and how complete things feel now. I've never felt a part of a family. I am so different from mine. And the fact we have begun creating our OWN family is an amazing feeling.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Due Date July 31, 2013

Today is my due date, or was. I was telling a friend that I was a little sad about not making it until today. She said even three years after her baby girl she still thinks about the what if's and that it always stings a little bit to think about. That's what I'm feeling today...a little sting. It makes me wonder why things didn't go as planned. I don't buy into that everything happens for a reason crap. I think it is what it is and it's just that simple. There probably is no reason. I do wish things had happened differently. I wish I had a natural birth story to tell. I wish baby Girl had weighed more at birth. I hope she develops those fat rolls on her legs soon. Is it one of those things I am never happy with any result? I am so thankful baby Girl is healthy, and that I am, too. But that doesn't mean I can't have a day to think about how things MIGHT have been.

So...hello and goodbye to what almost was, but never will be. Your due date was only an estimate...it's just a date...just a number on the calendar. July 11 is the best day of our lives and began our little family. I love that thought...our family. I've not had that before and it makes this mommy thing so much more sweet.



Monday, July 22, 2013

37 weeks, 1 day

Wed July 10 when we dropped of my urine I had the nurse (Vicky) check my BP. It was still high (diastolic especially 90s). My doc called that evening and told me my urine test was normal but after I told him what my BP was he said he would see me the next morning. I told him I had about decided it was TIME. He said "Pack your bags, I'll see you tomorrow". We tried evening primrose oil 2 nights in a row to see if it would dilate me (vaginally and orally).

We went to the doc Thursday, July 11, 2013 at 0900, for my check up. My BP was still up and the doc checked my cervix. Still no dilating even tho I was anterior and 50% effaced still. The doc asked if I was ready and I said Yes. He told us to head on over to OB Triage at the hospital and called to see what time we would go to surgery. He said noon.

We got to the hospital and they hooked me up to the monitors. Baby girl was doing great. My BP was up some. They drew labs. Anesthesia came in and talked to me about all the ins and outs. We had requested Phyllis due to my friend Karla knowing a friend of a friend who used to work there. We didn't care for Phyllis but she did a great job and I could tell she took her job seriously.

Our nurse was great. She was with me in holding, the OR, and also recovery. She supported everything natural we wanted to do. I had requested NO magnesium, no lobetalol, and no pitocin but my doc said he wouldn't do the c-section unless I had pitocin--it makes the uterus clamp down and stop bleeding. I did consent to the ancef antibiotics and foley catheter--reduces size of bladder and less chance to get nicked during c-section.

We called our family while in holding. At 11:45 am we rolled back to the OR where my Wife had to sit just outside the OR suite while I got my spinal and foley. The spinal was not bad at all. I buried my head into the first assistants chest and held his hands. The CRNA told me everything I would be feeling and there were no surprises. After I got my spinal the nurse put my foley in. Thank goodness I never felt it. I began to feel nauseous after I laid back on the table. I asked the CRNA if I should be feeling nauseous and like I was going to pass out. She said it's because my blood pressure dropped so quickly and it would pass in just a moment. I began gagging and then I vomited a few times. The CRNA held an emesis basis next to my mouth. After about three heaves of saliva/bile, I felt MUCH better.

They called my Wife back in the room. My OB had come around by my head and held a towel clip and said did you feel that? I replied no and he informed me how he pinch my belly to make sure I was numb. I had worried about that!! I heard the start time was 12:14 and I could hear the bovie cutting my skin. I started feeling a pressure from the OB's hands in my abdomen. Then I heard him say "what in the world? so much for being in the pelvis!" He said "Your baby has gone transverse on me". Then he told me I was going to feel a lot of pressure and to just hang tight. The first assistant was mashing on my left side and I heard each of them grunting a bit. My Wife said I was jostled all over the table. I finally heard a waaaaaaa-waaaaa cry and my OB held our sweet baby girl over my face. She had a few drops of bloody liquid that fell on my face but I didn't care. They squeezed the blood towards her body and cut the cord and placed her on my chest. She had vernix all over her sweet self. It felt SO soft on my chest. They began to assess her and decided after a minute or two that she needed to be under a little oxygen. She was under the warmer with my Wife for what seemed like forever. I know my nurse had told the nurse who came into the room to take care of baby Girl how important skin to skin was so when she took her to the warmer she kept telling me how sorry she was and how she would try to get her back to me ASAP. After several minutes of assessment the nurse said she needed to take baby Girl to transition to monitor her O2 and they would get her back to me as soon as they could. My Wife could accompany her and I was SO thankful for that.

My doc sewed me up. He couldn't get the uterus to stop bleeding so he asked that Cytotec be brought into the room. All I could think about was NO! After a few more minutes he said he was good and wouldn't need it. I was so relieved.

The OR staff moved me back onto my recovery bed and took me back to my room at 1 pm. I would have to stay there until I could move my legs and pick up my bottom. They told me the quicker I moved the better off my recovery would be. I began trying to move my legs immediately.

My Wife finally returned to the room to tell my the birth weight and length of baby Girl. I told her to get back with her!! ha I didn't want her to be alone without one of us. By 2 pm my Wife and baby Girl were both in my room and I was holding her again. We stayed there until around 5 pm where we were taken up to the 7th floor (7th heaven). Some of recovery and being in our 7724 room seems like a blur.

I am not sure what time my parents got to our room but they visited a LONG time. Then our Aunt Judy came up. She didn't stay long. My Wife's mom came in late around 930 and that's when my parents left. They spent the night at our house and came for another visit Friday morning.

I was pretty nauseous Thursday night. After vomiting several times I agreed to some Zofran. That hit the spot!! I didn't get sick again. I stood up several times and was dizzy so I laid back down. Around 4 am the nurse came in and helped me walk to the bathroom where she dc'd my foley. I was so afraid it would hurt, but it didn't. She heplocked my IV because I wanted one more round of Torodol the next day (I could have another dose if it was within 24 hours of delivery).












Wednesday, July 10, 2013

37 weeks

I am FULL TERM today!!

We went back Tuesday (36 weeks, 6days) at 0915. My BP was 157/108. The doc made a grunt sound just outside the door before walking in. He checked my cervix and said I was still anterior but not soft at all and no dilation. He told us to go to the hospital and have a baby (de ja vu?) due to the high blood pressure. My Wife started crying after he left the room. On the drive over to the hospital she said she was mad. She wasn't mad at me, the baby, or the doctor, just mad at the situation. I'm glad she talked to me but I couldn't understand it, and still don't.

We got to the hospital and they drew labs and hooked me up to the fetal monitor. Baby's heart rate was perfect. My BP was perfect. It's like the BP in the office wasn't real. I think it's very positional--when I lay down on my left side it goes "normal" but even when I roll over onto my back it goes up a little bit. Vertical it gets WORSE. My labs came back with my uric acid elevated. The doctor came in and gave me three choices: 1) I don't remember but I think it was medicine 2) keep me overnight and do a 24 hr urine protein test 3) go to delivery now

I told him I wanted option 2 but asked if I could do it at home. He thought for a minute and said yes, that would be fine. So, I urinated into a jug for 24 hours. They gave me a "hat" to place on the toilet seat to catch my urine. It had a funnel on each end to help pour into the jug. I kept the jug in the fridge until we took it back to the OB's today at 1 pm. I took pictures and said I will keep in the baby book. Good memories!

My OB called this evening and said my protein was only 200mg and he doesn't get concerned until 2000mg. Looks like only a trace!! That means we are not having a baby tonight. He asked how I was feeling and I told him okay, better than yesterday. I mentioned I ran over to our NP's office and had the nurse check my BP and my diastolic was still in the upper 90's and he interrupted me and said "tomorrow". I told him I had already about decided it was time. He said then "nothing to eat or drink after midnight and I'll see you in the morning between 0830-0900. Bye"

HOLY SMOKES!! Are we having a baby tomorrow?????

If you are reading this and are friends with me on Facebook, I ask that you PLEASE not mention any of this publicly.

Hopefully the next time I am typing here I'll have a precious angel on her boppy pillow looking up at me.

I love you baby girl...we'll see each other face to face soon! :)






Saturday, July 6, 2013

36 weeks

We made it to our Friday appointment! So glad that nothing came up to send us to the hospital. Weight was good (gained 1 lb but had lost 1 lb the week prior), my BP was 140/86 (better), and no protein in my urine.

We discussed where we stand with everything with the OB then he told me he wanted to do the group B strep and also a pelvic exam. I told him I would prefer to deliver over a pelvic exam. He just looked at me and I questioned "tough titty?" He said "yes, and I'm going to leave it at that".

He inserted a speculum and swabbed for the group B then he removed the speculum and did the pelvic exam. I don't know how many fingers he inserted but prior to starting he mentioned he would NOT be reaching for my tonsils. He touched my cervix and I would say he was inside maybe 8-10 seconds at the most. He said my cervix was very anterior (which is GOOD) and that I am 50% effaced. I am not dilated at all. All this will lead to a Bishop's score to determine if and when I am could be induced.

OB sent me over for an ultrasound to make sure the amnio fluid was still good. My AFI was 11 (good). She weighs 6 lb 5 oz. She has the chubbiest cheeks!! We love them. One of my co workers said she's storing food for winter. Ha!

My uric acid came back 6.8. At the hospital it was 6.2 but the OB said they always run a little lower than his number.

We go back again Tuesday for another repeat of labs, bp, weight, urine, etc. We went over a lot of what-if's with the doc. Somewhere in the discussion he mentioned people like "us" who are OCD. I have never been told I have OCD but maybe he is picking up on the fact I need to have control over everything.

I struggle with what to do between an induction and c-section. I've done my research and feel I know my options, it'll just depend on how well I dilate in the next few weeks.

Have gone back and forth with our doula. I don't feel I need one if I have a c-section. If we go the induction route, I feel I would like her there to help push me so that I won't request an epidural.

I've had "lightning" something awful. OB says it probably wouldn't be as strong if I were up walking around all the time. He said my pelvis probably twists when I get up/down. Heartburn is much better, Zantac has been a lifesaver! I didn't want to take it but it's a class B drug like Tylenol so I hope the FDA knows what they are talking about.






Monday, July 1, 2013

35 weeks

We went in for our follow up on Thursday. My weight had gone down. My BP was still up. They drew labs. Then the doc said it's a wait and see. He listened to Samantha's heartbeat and said she was tachy and to go over to OB Triage. Ugh! We went over and had a NST and BPP plus re-drew lab work. She was perfect, nothing was wrong. Uric acid jumped from 5.9 to 6.8. My BP was still high and after the BPP my OB came to the hospital and said I am on strict bed rest. He wanted me to go back to OB Triage Monday morning for a repeat of the tests. Monday my uric acid went down to 6.2. My BP was better. Baby Girl was tachy when we first hooked her up but the nurse said it was likely because I was dehydrated. After my uric acid came back she gave me a huge thing of water to drink, baby Girl's heart rate went down in 20 min and stayed down. The nurse called my doc. She came back in and said "go home, go to OB's office Friday at 8 am".

So here I am back home. I'm going to have plenty of time to work on thank-you cards, read any mommy information I have been procrastinating. The pack n play should arrive tomorrow, I can put that together maybe.

We watched Safe Haven Sunday evening. What a tear jerker! I knew it would be but didn't know it would hit so close to home. That got me to thinking if I died while giving birth or if I died before baby Girl was grown....how would the Wife handle it. Her family never talks about anything tragic so I fear she wouldn't talk about me. I made her promise that she would talk about me every single day. I would want our daughter to know who I was. So important.

It was pretty emotional packing our bags for the hospital last night. It's the end of life as we know it. There will never be just my Wife and I. EVER. AGAIN. It's so final, it's almost like death. I shouldn't compare bringing a child into the world like that but it has nothing to do with the baby and everything to do with what was known.


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

34 weeks update x 2

Well here I am at home on bed rest. My uric acid came back 6.8. Doc had given me the number of 6.2 yesterday in the office. Guess it rose above that. Ugh. He put me on bed rest today and tomorrow. He changed my appointment to Thursday morning for a re-check.

I hated leaving work. I do not feel sick nor do I feel like I should be home. I guess the OB has other plans. The thought of having our baby Girl here in just a few weeks freaks me out. Am I ready? How will the induction go? It's all so foreign. What if I switched OB's, would my outcome be the same?

More updates on Thursday.


Monday, June 24, 2013

34 week update

We had our ultrasound today. Baby Girl looked perfect! She loves to keep her hands up by her face so we never got a great shot of her but we still got to see her sweet cheeks. They are so chubby!! I love them.

My amniotic fluid was great as well as the bloodflow through the cord. She measured right on target with an estimated weight of 5 lb 8 oz. I love our little girl...she's going to be precious!!

We went to the OB after the ultrasound. I had NO weight gain, no protein in my urine, and my BP was still high (140/90). OB said he was not as concerned as he was on Thursday. He is not putting me on bed rest. He did draw another uric acid and will have results tomorrow. From here on out I'll be going twice a week.

We talked induction. We talked working part-time. We talked pitocin. We talked cytotec. We talked blood pressure patch meds. We talked natural childbirth. We talked epidural (he may suggest it if my BP will not go down during labor).

We go back Thursday and I'll have an update again then.


Saturday, June 22, 2013

34 weeks

I meant to write all last week and never did it.

Heartburn has eased up. Not sure why and don't care, but I'm thankful. Instead of eating 8 antacids in 24 hours I'm down to half of that! Some days my hips feel like they are breaking into pieces. Some days I feel a burst of energy and my hips feel great. My body is preparing, I can FEEL it!!

We had our 34 week appt. It did not go as planned. My weight was up 4 pounds. My BP was 147/91. The doc said we need an ultrasound Monday. He drew blood. My uric acid was 5.9 which is slightly high so he'll redraw again Monday. I am taking it easy this weekend. Laying on my left side should help. I did that along with a meditation guide this evening and my BP dropped. I do not want to go on bedrest but I also want to keep baby Girl and myself safe. I do NOT want to have pre-eclampsia. If doc says bedrest I am going to ask if I can work 4 hours a day and then rest the rest of the day. Hopefully he would compromise with that.

I asked in his EXPERIENCE what does he typically see with this type of situation and he said we'll have a baby in two weeks. I've researched natural ways to combat PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension/gestational hypertension) and there is a high protein diet that some talk about working. You eat a handful of protein every waking hour, and eat 150 mg of protein a day. That's like a hundred chicken breasts! Not really but it seems like a lot.

We bought a BP cuff for me to monitor at home. I'm drinking a lot of water. The difference between PIH and PRE-E is protein in my urine. As of right now there isn't protein in my urine...and I want to keep it that way!! PRE-E will mean induction so let's keep that at bay.

The girls at work are giving me a baby shower Friday. I am excited for that even tho I will stress about being the center of attention.

My Wife is doing pretty much everything around the house and I love her for it. It's hard for me to sit down and not do anything but I'm trying. She's going to install the car seat tomorrow. I've been looking at what to pack in the hospital diaper bag, especially for cloth diapers.

I love feeling baby Girl's kicks. If I go for a period of time I find myself getting into a side-lying position to see if she'll kick. Sometimes I try ice cream or eating, too.

Psychic says she sees closer to July 15. July 10 would be 37 weeks. I don't baby Girl to share her birthday with other family members so we will need to avoid the 12th and 13th. It's all in HER timing, not mine.

Monday-ultrasound/recheck urine/BP
Thursday-meet with doula, possibly go back to OB

Mom and dad were planning to come up next weekend for a visit. I may ask them to cancel. They will not want to just sit around I don't imagine and I don't think I need to go out to restaurants...I need to rest. A friend doesn't think I need to even be walking around work with a BP of 147/90. It did make me feel pretty bad Friday...nausea like week 7 all over again!!

I love you baby Girl...I always will.


Thursday, June 6, 2013

32 weeks

I'm 32 weeks today. I took off work today because we went to a concert last night and I anticipated not getting home until late. It was probably 1 am before we got to sleep. I feel better today. My pelvis felt as if it were falling into three separate pieces yesterday. Work is rough, but I keep walking through the pain. I have no choice.

My breasts leak. I noticed when I wore only a t-shirt around the house. Then I noticed stains on the sheets. This morning was the largest and biggest. There was an orange or maybe blood color to it, probably the size just bigger than half a dollar. I'm going to mention to OB today.

Speaking of OB I am also going to ask how he feels about being termed bait and switch doctor. I'll use tact in my question, as I don't want to come across as defensive. I just want to be certain he is on the 100% natural page as us.

Our baby shower is this Sunday. I cannot wait. I look at the registry almost every day. It will still be a surprise as to WHO bought us what. I ordered my Wife a few things to give her at the shower. One thing I found on sale back around Christmas.

Other than my pelvis breaking apart, a pain in my RUQ (posterior) after I eat typically, and my leaky boobs, I'm pretty much feeling okay! If I sit with my fit dangling for prolonged periods of time they begin to swell but the more active I am the less I swell.


Sunday, May 26, 2013

30 weeks

We had our 30 week appt with the OB. We were there seven minutes. It's pretty boring right now. I am having no issues. He did draw my blood and said my hematocrit and hemoglobin are slightly low, but not alarmingly. He called me in a Rx of Iron. When I tried to fill it the pharmacy said it's the same as OTC so I should just purchase it that way. I read the back of the label and there were ingredients that I don't like so I'm going to try a more natural alternative--unsulphured blackstrap molasses. I'll stop at Whole Foods and pick some up. Plus I'll get some extra calcium and magnesium in my diet!

I had a day last week when my SI joints felt like they were being pulled apart. Work is getting harder, but I'm making it. Sleep is getting harder, too. It's a little more difficult to get in a position that feels good to me and keeps baby Girl from kicking around. I don't find a ton of pillows helpful. Everything mashes her and I feel like I'm squishing her.

We had a lovely weekend at the lake this weekend. I rested in the hammock. I read some pregnancy magazines and also read some of my Ina May book.

We met with our doula this week. She came to the house for about 2.5 hours. She's very pleasant and laughs a lot. She's uber skinny!! She asked us a lot of questions and took a lot of notes. We're going to meet with her again in about a month. She did ask her circle of doula friends about our OB. One termed him a bait and switch doc. I am now worried. I am going to talk to my OB. The doula mentioned we could always find another OB if we wanted to. I personally don't want to and don't feel she was pushing it, she just wants me to know my options. I really hope he isn't like that. He has been VERY supportive of our natural birth plan thus far.

I am working Memorial Day. That's the only holiday I work until Christmas. My Wife and I were discussing what will happen at Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. It's so surreal talking about how she'll keep baby Girl back with the family and I'll drive back home to go to work. My milk supply should be large enough by then it won't be a problem. She'll (probably) almost be ready to try a solid food by Christmas!!


Sunday, May 19, 2013

29 weeks

I'm slowing down at work. Walking is getting a little harder, but it's more the lack of oxygen. My bones and joints hurt by the end of the day. I'd love to be able to work half days. I would feel MUCH better. I love my weekends even more...simply because I'm not exhausted and hurting. I like my belly. I like watching baby Girl kick and dance and play inside me. Or at least that's what I hope she's doing. Sometimes she kicks so often and so hard I feel I've got her in a compromised position that she can't get out of. I wish I didn't get as winded as I do. I've had to slow down, and that's hard. I want to be able to do what I've always done, especially my pace of walking.

I can feel my hormones a little more emotional these days. I get agitated a little more easily, I cry easily, but I'm also happy most of the time, too. I can tell I'm more tired now, very first trimester-ish.

My Wife got me tix to see Brandi Carlile for our anniversary. The concert was Friday night. It was AMAZING! I want to be BC! Her talent is raw and attractive. I love her voice and her stage presence.

I've already said I want to babysitter for Nov 15 when Justin Timberlake comes to town. I've had three people volunteer.

I can't wait to meet you baby Girl...I love you and everything about you. I love reading stories to you at night and listening to music with you. I love talking to you and I hope you can feel my emotions. Sweet kisses to your toes.

Monday, May 6, 2013

27 weeks

I feel baby Girl a LOT more these days. She's getting into patterns just like the apps and books say she will.

We had a wonderful time at the beach. We felt baby Girl a ton and got to watch her move in my belly laying the sunshine. I'm so glad we were able to go for the get-away. I drank a glass of wine each night except the last night, it gave me heartburn. For my own memory that I would like to forget about, I did suffer from horrible rrhoids while on vacay. Being able to medicate and keep my feet elevated seemed to help a lot. The seafood was yummy to eat....I love grouper sandwiches!!

We worked on the nursery this past weekend. It's almost complete!!



I'll be a mom with a baby in arms this time next year...Mother's Day. Crazy!!

We hired our doula. THANK GOD!! I am so glad the search is over. We talked to so many crazy people. Several seemed to want to talk the entire time. I wonder what they thought when they got off the phone with me?

We have our 28 week appointment on Thursday. We'll hear the heartbeat again and also be measured. We got the tape measure out Sunday night...pubic bone to fundus of uterus was 27-28 weeks, right where she is!!

My Wife took a pic of the nursery with her panoramic iPhone. It changed the color of the glider and left curtain as she panned, but here's the gest. I love the chest of drawer heirloom she painted. It was her grandparents, passed down to her parents and now us. This makes me smile.

Baby Girl...I love you and cannot wait to see your sweet smile. I'm going to take care of you and love you and show you what happy is.




Sunday, April 21, 2013

25 weeks

I failed my glucose test.  I had to go back for a 3 hour test on Friday. I drank the orange glucose with no problem. I was slightly dehydrated so it went down in about 2 big gulps! The concentration was double what it was on Tuesday. About 45 min after I drank it I started feeling icky. Nothing specific just a slight nauseous feeling. When I had my 2nd lab draw at 1 hr I asked if I could lay down in a patient room. They took me to the back and let me lay down. I slept almost the entire hour! When I woke up at the 2nd blood draw I felt MUCH better. Whew! The last hour I laid on the bed with my iPad and listened to baby music that is supposed to develop the brain. Baby girl kicked a TON so either she didn't like the iPad laying next to hear or she loved the music! I'll have to ask her when she gets here in a few months.

I don't feel much different, otherwise.

We're going to the beach on Wednesday. We're going to drive down 1/2 way on Wed night when I get off work then stay thru the weekend. I'm curious how that drive home is going to be. Eight hours in the car with a Baby girl who loves to sit on my bladder.

I went for a pre-natal massage today. It was a gift from my MIL for my birthday. When she found out our preg test was + she got me a gift card. The massage was very relaxing!! They didn't rub on Samantha, but I'm sure they are afraid of lawsuits.

We are in the process of interviewing doulas. Ugh! So far no luck. We interviewed one back in Jan (I think?) who we thought would be great but she has dropped off the face of the earth. So I began calling others. We met a lady with a LOT of experience at Starbucks Friday night. She was a little high strung and liked to talk but I think given the birthing moment she would step up to the plate and do her job.

When we got home Friday night we threw a yard sale together. Crazy! We got up at 0700 Saturday and sat outside until about noon. We made $50 which wasn't great but that's more than we had before.

That afternoon we went to the baby fair at the hospital where we'll deliver. It was very enjoyable! We got some free samples and signed up for a LOT of door prizes!! I hope I win the Pottery Barn Kids one SO much!! Any of the other prizes would be great, too!!

After the baby show we went to meet with a group of doulas. We didn't realize they come as a package. You can't just hire one of them. They each take call and if your birth starts you'll get whomever is on call. Umm...not gonna happen.

Saturday night I spent 49 minutes of my life talking to another doula who TALKED non-stop and really never listened to much I had to say. I have written her off, too. At the baby fair we got the names of a few more. I called one of them today who is on board with hypnobirthing. She sounds WONDERFUL on the phone. We're going to meet up after our mini-vacay this weekend.

We're also meeting a doula and her backup next Tues. She liked to talk too much on the phone, too. But I'm willing to give her a chance because she came highly recommended.

I can't believe I'm only 15 weeks away from our birthing day!!!




Saturday, April 13, 2013

24 weeks

Support hose here I come!! My toes were purple Monday & Tuesday when I got home from work. My Wife ran to the scrub store and got me some support hose that go to my knee. Thursday and Friday were MUCH better. Thank you, Wifey!!!

We toured our hospital where we'll birth our baby girl. We were SO relieved they promote natural birth. They have started using nitrous oxide in the rooms. I've done a lot of research on this since we've gotten home. Everything points to it being safe and apparently the US is the only place in the modern world that doesn't typically use it. It was making a comeback in the 1970's when the epidural hit the scene. Midwives using it in home births...and I'll keep it as an option to get me over the "hump".

I laid in the sun today. My belly burned a little bit. I cried after I saw it...I didn't realize how sensitive my skin would be stretched out. Poor baby girl, I hope she didn't get too hot today. She kicked very well this evening so I feel certain she's fine. I'll just have to remember to be extra cautious at the beach.




Sunday, April 7, 2013

23 weeks

Oh heartburn how I hate you!! It's a daily occurrence, it'll begin after dinner and last until I fall asleep. Nothing helps, even water hurts! I take a minimum of 2 Tums per evening, but they don't help a ton.

I began wearing a snap front scrub top to work last week--except I didn't snap the front, I wore a long sleeve undershirt. It's cute and makes me look real preggo.

I got some relaxing oil at Aveda today. I'll use it at night to fall asleep/relax to.

I'm feeling baby Girl a lot more these days, especially on the weekends. My Wife is feeling her more, too! It's so fun to play games with her and have her respond to touch, drinking cold water, or our voice. I can't wait to meet her.


Love these people for giveaways!

Thrifty Nifty Mommy

Friday, March 29, 2013

22 weeks

Short of breath. Whew!! Maybe this is the part people are talking about when they say it's going to be a hot summer. I got a little scared last night when I laid down because I couldn't catch my breath. I worked on some relaxation techniques and it seemed to help.

Still working on the baby registry. I'm sure we are forgetting a lot of stuff.

I haven't gotten on the scales in a few days. I don't want to. Baby Girl weighs 1.1# as of 22 weeks. We had our repeat anomaly ultrasound. It went MUCH better this time. She's measuring perfect. She gave us some cute poses and we got several good 3D pics. I can't wait to meet our precious lady.

Happy Easter!!

This time next year we'll have someone hunting eggs. That seems so crazy to say!!




Sunday, March 24, 2013

21 weeks

I am loving our baby girl. I am feeling her a little more. Granted I have days that I don't feel much, but it's usually on the weekends or at night when I feel her the most. She enjoyed CPR class this week. She also enjoyed the "This is 40" movie Saturday night. I want my Wife to feel them so much!!

We had our 20 week u/s anomaly scan this week. Our tech was not good, she's new. I called our regular tech back and she's going to scan us this Thursday. We didn't even get a good profile pic for her baby book! I'm so excited for Thursday!! We'll get to see her again.

We bought a few things from a lady on the social media trading post. Quite a few really nices pieces of clothing and also a baby swing. The swing retails for $179 and she's selling it to us for $50.

I am curious what the next few weeks will bring...my weight, baby girl's activity, and the glucose test @ 24 weeks!!!


Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Anatomy Scan

We had our anatomy scan today. Everything looks great, our OB said "PERFECT". We had a new u/s tech, our regular girl was off. We didn't care for her, even watching the DVD tonight she simply hasn't been trained long enough. She rushed through it and didn't seem to have control over the transducer like our regular girl. Oh well, baby Girl is measuring right where she should be. Her arms are a little long and her femurs were a little short. I'm trying not to think baboon here. Ha! My dad's side of the family is very short, I wonder if that's going to pass down ?

I asked the doc if I should get my iron checked. He said he would check it at my glucose test in 4 weeks. It was normal at 8 weeks so he suspects it'll be fine. I also asked about depression. He said if I wasn't having more BAD days than GOOD days, I was fine. I  told him I've had 3 ROUGH days during the 2nd trimester and he kind of laughed and said "Oh, you're good!!" I asked when I can get my Rx for a breast pump. He said anytime and to just ask the girls up front for the Rx.

I wish I had a cute pic of baby Girl from the scan today but I don't. I'm hoping I can get in touch with our regular u/s tech and maybe run back over for some better pics, esp the 3D ones!


Sunday, March 17, 2013

Half Way to meeting SAR

I'm 20 weeks, 3 days. I've been feeling well. I do notice new things daily/weekly. I get short of breath easily. Walking seems to be a bit wobbly at times but I hide it as best I can. Friday night was rough emotionally. My hormones must have been out of whack for a little bit. When I woke up Saturday morning they were gone. I am so glad those feelings and thoughts don't hang around long and I hope to not have another night like that again. Whew!! That's some rough stuff!! I start questioning if I'm depressed but since they go away, I'm gonna say it's just normal. It's on my list to ask the doc about Tuesday. We have our anatomy scan then where they measure the long bones and make sure there are no abnormalities. They'll measure her head/abdomen/heart chambers. I took a peak at work Thursday. She had the hiccups. SO CUTE!!!

We have one more night of hypnobirthing. Also today I read the most beautiful birth story from a girl on the forum where we got our sperm. She used hypnobirthing and stayed relaxed the entire time. She even reached down and pulled her baby up!! Our plan is to stay home until my surges are 2 min apart. I'm hopeful it works out that way.

I got a raise/promotion at work, what timing!! I'll basically be doing what I have been just getting paid more. Also I'll likely being assisting the radiologist more.

I can't believe I'm half way to meeting our baby girl. It seems like all the big stuff has happened now she just cooks for 5 more months and makes her debut!! I hope we get a 3D pic of her Tuesday!!


Sunday, March 10, 2013

Hypnobirthing #2

We had our 2nd class. It was great and the two hours flew by! We discussed how to bond with the baby even in the womb. Our instructor hypnotized us. At first I was thinking it was a bunch of hooey then the more I concentrated on what she was doing...the more hypnotized I got. By the end I was completely under it. Freaky!! We practiced scripts with our partners. Our next class is tomorrow, I think we go over birth documents. I'm on the hunt for the perfect essential oil now.

I had a couple of "scary" days this week. Weird thoughts. Thoughts of not wanting this. I'm tempted to not even journal it here. I think it might be because my Wife and I have disagreements and I am protective of the baby and don't want her to hear us. That breaks my heart if she thinks she might come into a world with strife. We're working on things...we're working on being stronger.

We've been working on our registries.

I've had cramping in my legs a few nights. My belly is popping out. I fear my weight is too much. I'm going to try to get back on the healthy eating wagon. It's so hard. We had baked tilapia, okra, and corn tonight. That was a good supper. I'm going to look to see if they make gummy iron supplements. I think I need more, considering how much the experts recommend I get.

I have felt some flutters in my belly. I am "almost" certain it's baby girl. They are in the same spot each time. My belly is sitting on my legs now when I'm seated. It's really hard to gain weight and have no control over it. Tough, tough.

I'm happy I'm pregnant. I'm happy about baby girl. I'm excited to be a mother. I'm happy we're going down this path of natural birth. I love my Wife. I love my baby girl. I love our family.




Monday, March 4, 2013

Hypnobirth Class #1

We took our first hypnobirth class tonight. It lasted about an hour and a half. I'd call it an into to the method. We love our instructor. She's wonderful and has passion for the field. We watched some hypo births. We did some imagery techniques, which closely resembled the meditation I had done when trying to conceive.

We'll go back on Monday & Fridays for 5 weeks.

It gives me hope that this type of birth DOES exist.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Concert, 18 weeks 2 days

My Wife got me Pink concert tickets for my birthday in November. The concert was last night. It had been snowing almost all day with no accumulation. We got up Saturday morning and met a guy about a Toyota Prius. We fell in love with it and have told him we want it. It's the price we can afford and it has ALL the options we want and it's the color we want. SOLD! We shopped at Macy's and Costco then got ready for dinner at Cantina Laredo. We ran by Krispy Kreme before the concert because that's what I wanted for dessert, although Samantha gets blamed for all the bad decisions these days. The concert was unbelievable. When we arrived there were holy rollers out front telling everyone to repent and how they were going to hell, marching with signs, and screaming into megaphones. WOW! At one point during the concert when one of the dancers was writhing around on the stage I told My Wife those preachers might have been right after the thoughts I had after seeing that! WOW!! Pink can put on one heck of a show. She's beautiful and talented. The acrobatics she does are amazing. At the end she even flew across the entire arena on a cable wire. Show stopper!! Glitter in the Air is one of my favorite Pink songs, it always puts a lump in my throat, and it did last night.

I'm feeling good. I still don't feel pregnant some days. I'm 18 weeks 3 days today. We're starting birthing classes tomorrow night (Mon/Fri for 2 weeks, 5 classes). Hypnobirthing. I'm nervous, but shouldn't be. It's the method we've decided to go with. We're still on the fence with a doula. The "free" one hasn't been very good about getting into contact with me so I've almost written her off.

The lady teaching the birth classes also teaches pre-natal massage workshops. She emailed me Saturday asking if I would be available Sunday at 1 to be a guinea pig for her students. So, I'm headed out for a free pre-natal massage today!! Samantha gets her first massage!!

I had a quickie u/s at work this week. Samantha was resting with her hands behind her back. We woke her up and she waved at us. She opened/closed her mouth. She kicked a lot, her feet are down on my bladder (this explains a lot).


Sunday, February 24, 2013

17 weeks, 4 days

I should not look at that fruit chart that tells how big our baby will be each week. The watermelon isn't even the LARGEST fruit. WOW!

I'm looking into hypnobirthing. I'm reading a book. It makes sense. I want to do it. We had intended to take Lamaze class at the hospital where we're birthing, but we may invest our dollars in the hypnobirthing class, instead.

I had a headache almost every day last week. I've had none over the weekend. Maybe I should quit work. I honestly think it's the fluorescent lights.

I'm feeling well otherwise. We got the nursery painted and the hardwood flooring installed (with the help of my dad). What a lifesaver he is!!

Think we may take a break from the nursery for a bit. We need a few days off to just relax!!

We got our new sectional in the living room and sold our old small sectional (couch with chaise at one end). The new couch is HUGE!! My Wife's boss sold it to her for $1000. He paid almost $4000 2 years ago. It looks brand new. It's leather. It's luxurious and I love it!!

Random thought: I enjoyed my 4 oz glass of wine on Valentine's Day...I'm still thinking about it.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

16 weeks 5 days


I'm 16 weeks, 5 days. We're having a girl.
 
The nursery has one coat of paint on it. It's grey. It looks so pretty. We went to Chicago last weekend, to visit cousin T and to shop @ IKEA. We spent a bazillion more dollars than we intended but everything is so cute. I cannot wait for the nursery to be complete. It's coming together perfectly. We bought a faux sheepskin rug that's adorable!! We also bought a GIANT green leaf to hang over the crb.
 
I had some paranoid days in Chicago, I hadn't felt any "flutters". I had the girls at work scan me real quick Monday evening, everything was perfect. Samantha Adeline was sucking her thumb. She looked to be asleep initally but then we poked on my belly with the transducer and woke her up. Play, play, play!! She kicked her legs a lot and I could see her sweet little lips and nose. PRECIOUS!
 
I've started working on the registry. We're going to register at Babies R Us, Target, and Wal-Mart. I don't want to register at Wal-Mart but we don't have a choice with the majority of our families not having access to the other two stores.
 
I want a doula. My Wife isn't as hip on it. I need it. We had a girl offer to do the service for free, she has to complete 3 before she gets her doula license. We met with her and everything went great but she's dropped off the face of the earth since then. No contact, no follow-up, no good. I am not going to contact her, I feel it's her job since she said she would get us some info and set up a time to meet to work on the birth plan. I started looking at doulas today. They aren't cheap, are they worth it? I'm leaning towards hiring one who has seen births before, who knows what goes on. I wish I did!! I should watch some videos of birth I think. It's not like I can change my mind at this point.
 
My parents are coming up this weekend to help install the hardwood flooring in the nursery.
 
I'm getting scared about labor. My Wife suggests I read more Ina May stories. I'm also getting excited to meet Samantha Adeline.
 
We have our 16 week appointment today. I predict it will be as uneventful as the previous ones. I'm concerned with my weight. I haven't gained "that" much, and I'm keeping a close eye on it. I've just never seen the scales say THOSE numbers.
 
Some days I can't believe this is happening. It doesn't feel real. It seems I have to tell myself every day that I'm pregnant. I wonder when it will become reality? That this is our new life? I'm almost half way through this pregnancy and I still don't feel or think I'm pregnant some days. Am I crazy? Speaking of crazy, I really hope I don't have a hard time with hormones after the birth. I want to be a normal mom without post partum issues. Of course, I don't think I have much control over it...or do I?
 
 

Monday, February 4, 2013

14 weeks, 4 days

Other than this AWFUL headache, I feel great!! My head hurts off/on. I'm staying hydrated. I'm not taking any meds. The only thing that helps is a warm bath with a steamy washrag over my face. Could be sinus, could be hormones.

We're going tomorrow (2/5) to find out boy/girl. I already feel I know it's a girl based on an ultrasound last Friday. But the u/s machine used isn't as good as our friend has in her office. We're hoping to be able to give my Wife's mom a birthday present Wed night that announces boy/girl.

We ripped up the carpet/pad in the nursery this weekend. My wife did most of the work, I just got her started on the project. I love ripping up carpet. My wife equated it to ripping off skin from a sunburn, I agree. My Wife also installed a new kitchen faucet. It's FABULOUS, I love it. We are installing a reverse osmosis water system so we needed the sprayer hose hole for that. Now our faucet has a pull-down sprayer. We bought Moen brand because it has a lifetime warranty.

My belly is starting to show. I'm still taking pictures every week. I had my first uninvited belly rub at work today, from a dude no less. So bizarre. I asked a friend if I can grab people's junk when that happens. Seems fair.

See you soon Samantha Adeline, mommy loves you. :) :)


Sunday, January 20, 2013

Baby Shower

Got an email from my sister today asking if I would be offended if she didn't give me a baby shower. She said she doesn't know how comfortable the family would feel and out of respect she doesn't want to put anyone in an uncomfortable position. 

Remember this day. Remember this is NOT how family is supposed to be. Remember you do have people who love you and do not care that baby is raised by two moms. 

I love you Samantha Adeline and if you turn out to be a boy, I love you Sebastian Wayne. I love you my Wife for helping me be a good mommy. 


Saturday, January 19, 2013

12 Weeks

Today I am 12 weeks 2 days. I didn't blog during week 11. It was fairly uneventful. We did have our NT scan. The ultrasound showed no sign of Down's. Our u/s tech told us if the skin at the base of the neck was 3 mm or less, that was great. Ours was 1 mm. She stuck my finger and got five drops of blood on a piece of paper that she sends off to a lab. Three days later she called me (this is probably not legal for her to do) and gave me the results. She said the chance of Down's is 1 in 6,000+ and the chance of other abnormalities is 1 in 10,000. She said I have the eggs of a 20 year old. I wasn't worried about the test, but now I especially have no reason to be.

When she looked between the legs it appeared the angle of the dangle indicates girl but it's still WAY too early to tell. The heartbeat was 164.

12 weeks 1 day was the worse day I've had emotionally. I was unexplainably irrational, irritable, and before I could get to the car when work was over, I was crying uncontrollably for no reason. It's the weirdest feeling to cry for no reason. I wasn't sad or angry, simply crying. After I cried, the feelings released. I hope I don't have many more days like that. I'd take severe nausea over THOSE kinds of feelings!

We have an u/s student at work. She's going through u/s school online and completing her clinical rotation at our hospital. When the girl over u/s found out I'm going to have a baby she said she would let me be a guinea pig for the student since she won't get much OB experience at our hospital (it's mostly geriatric patients). She called me over the next day and looked at our baby. He/she was moving about and swimming fluidly.

My Wife has agreed to have our u/s tech look for the gender at the end of week 14. I'm looking forward to this so much. I think it will feel more real, more like a little person and not just a thing swimming in my body. I saw his/her legs bend at the knee and he/she also stretched it's body's entire length. I saw it's little butt, so precious, I wanted to pinch it.

We're interviewing a doula today. We hope she works out. We'll see...

I cannot believe I only have a short time left in this first trimester. It has flown by.

We started cleaning out the nursery this weekend. It's going to be a long hard process, but I'm so ready to get it going. The colors are grey/yellow.

Some in my Wife's family have begun planning our baby shower. I do NOT want to be included in any games. I hate being the center of attention and that will make my neck break out and I'll be very uncomfortable.

I've started shopping online for baby things. I'm not buying, just getting ideas for our registry. Most things seem like a waste of money. I look at it and wonder if my mom had it when I was a baby, if not, click to the next thing. I remember being bathed in the stainless steel sink...why do I need a giant plastic contraption shaped like a whale to bathe our baby?

My best friend got me a maternity shirt. We ate dinner with her/hubby/daughter last night. The daughter is almost 1. She's precious. Dinner was good and our visit was nice. I think that helped my emotions/feelings.

See you next week! I love you baby.

Thoughts on Samantha Adeline for a girl name?


Tuesday, January 8, 2013

10 weeks 5 days

I meant to blog before now but time has gotten away from me.

I'm feeling MUCH better. I have not been nauseous in SEVERAL days. I am liking this!! I am not "as" tired but that part has lingered in the evenings. I am finished with progesterone, FINALLY!! I still have reflux in the evenings, but it's not as bad, either. I guess my only annoying symptom are my boobs. They are VERY sore and tender. 


Had our first official OB appointment today (10 weeks 5 days). Didn't last very long. He asked family history then told me all the do's & don'ts for the next 7 months. He basically said to carry on life how I have been except no scuba diving. Ha Ha! They drew my blood before I left and said they would get a urine specimen next time. 

Before we left he pulled out his little doppler and listened to my belly for a heartbeat. We got to hear it but the baby was moving around so much it would come and go quickly. He ordered a nuchal translucency test next week, it's the test for Down's Syndrome. It consists of an ultrasound to measure the skin around the baby's neck along with a finger prick of blood. They have a chart where they base it on the size of the baby's neck and my age to see if I'm at higher risk. I didn't ask for the test but when he looked at my chart he said "you're at "that" age." Guess that means I'm gonna be an old mama.
We go back to see him the next week. He likes to keep you on a track of every 4 weeks starting at 12 weeks, then 16 weeks, then 20 weeks, etc. until 36 weeks. He asked if I work 12 hour shifts or 8. He said the 12 hours shift people usually can't work more than 2 in a row when they get late into their pregnancy. He said we'll just have to see how 5 days a week works for me and back off on that if we need to. I sure hope I can go til I deliver so I don't have to use my vacation time. 


We like our OB..he is kind of no frills and no sugar coating. He's all business but makes wise cracks occasionally. 


They gave us a bag of free samples of things--diapers, wipes, bottles, etc. I thought that was nice. Something about today made things feel a little more real, but only slightly. My Wife thought it made things a LOT more real...that these people handed us a bag because they think we're pregnant. Why are they handing us this bag? ha ha 



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