Wednesday, September 25, 2013

11 weeks

According to Wonder Weeks she is entering a stormy spell. I would have to agree. I think she had a physical growth spurt over the weekend now a developmental leap is on the horizon. She's very clingy today. She slept almost all day yesterday. It was great!! 

We called the ped about some "stuff" in her privates. I think it's just normal discharge. BF babies have it more often. 

We are going to see our families this weekend. Another 2 hr car ride. Please Lord look down on us and have pity. I pray baby girl is good. 

My aunts brain cancer is back. Sucks. It's been almost 2 years since she discovered it. 

I love baby girls smiles. She talks to me in the mornings. She wakes up so happy. I love it!! I melt. I am in love with her. Life is as it should be now. 


Saturday, September 14, 2013

Vaccine

We went with Dr Sears delayed vaccine. She got the DtAP shot and Rotovirus in her mouth. She slept 7.5 hrs that night. She has never slept that long!! She has been very sleepy today. I hope she doesn't feel bad. 

We love her so very much. 


Friday, September 13, 2013

2 mo ped visit

She weighs 10.1 lbs, 22" long. She's finally in the 25th percentile. Bless her sweet self she's just so tiny!!

Ped says she sees a lot of high needs babies. Keep doing what we are doing. 

We decided to go with Dr Sears alternative vaccination schedule. She will go every month for a year rather than loading up every 2 months. She only got the rotovirus vaccine and Dtap vaccine today. Roto was given orally then I put her on my breast for the Dtap. She hadn't been latched on long before the nurse popped it in her little thigh. I was looking at her and saw sheer terror in her eyes. I started to bawl. Oh how it broke my heart to see that pain. Heaven forbid something happens to her that would cause her pain. Ugh, shots suck!! 

We went to a consignment sale and bought her some cute fall and winter clothes. My MIL came over tonight to play with our baby girl. While she babysat my Wife and I went thru all her clothes. We even put clothes in a box she can't wear anymore. Sad sad. She's getting big. She was a good baby today. Yesterday not so much. Very needy and clingy and nothing satisfied except the boob. She didn't want my Wife and that hurt her feelings. We may start bottles this weekend. More on that if we do. 

We are all in our bed tonight. Hope this works. We've been on the couch for several weeks. We shall see...




Wednesday, September 11, 2013

2 months

All those feelings of wondering why we did this are quickly vanishing. They had to be hormones. I can't imagine life without her. I crave her even when I am at my wits end. I need her. I want to be touching her. I need to know she's okay. When someone else holds her for long periods of time I miss her sweet skin. I love her so much. 

She's smiling, she loves an app on my phone but I read to not let them look at the screen. Ugh. She is awake a lot more. She's hard to put to sleep. She fights it. She places her hand on my breast when I feed her. It's the best feeling. She looks into my eyes when she's feeding. I talk to her. I want her to know I will always be there for her. 

Her smiles are the sweetest. It's so fulfilling to know I created that little body and I have what it takes to keep her alive. 

We think she may be a high needs baby. Time will tell but she fits the bill. 

We take daily walks outside. She loves the wind on her face but she loves the sunshine even more. She is never fussy when we walk her in the stroller around our neighborhood. 

I read articles that make me cry. Ones that tell me I will look back on these days fondly. I will, I already do. I will never regret holding her all day long. Never!! 

I will look forward to a date night again someday. When we start bottles, maybe that will happen. 

I love you my sweet precious baby girl. And I love you my Wife who I couldn't do this mommy thing without!! 

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

7 weeks 5 days

Nights are getting better. Baby Girl is sleeping about every 4 hours at night. She's fussy during the daytime but I will take that over fussy in the night. She is so sweet. We love seeing her smile. We haven't seen a true social smile but I don't think we are far away. I hate feeling we need to reach certain milestones since she was 3 weeks early. They say 37-40 weeks have same milestones but I think she's a little behind. She loves her app on my phone with contrast colors. We play that every day usually after her morning feeding. She also lays on her activity mat for about 15 min and we also do air time on her bum at that time. 

My Wife and I have been at wits end with each other mainly due to her mom. She always comes over on Wed nights. Since baby girl has been born she has acted weird when she comes over. The last 2 weeks she would barely talk to us and was plain rude. I had enough and went a little psycho Friday. I refused to go to dinner. Then I refused to go see my MIL then I refused to let my Wife take baby Girl to see her grandmother. That was the straw that threw both of us over the edge. My Wife bawled thinking I am going to take baby Girl away from her one day.  I will never do that. But she has in the back of her mind it will happen one day. We talked to my MIL later that night after we calmed down. She said she thought things would've been different. She thought she could drop over anytime without calling. She doesn't consider herself company. She would like to move back in. She wants to hold baby Girl all the time. None of this sits well with me. I don't like unexpected company and yes she is company. My wife, baby and I are a family unit. She is our family but not in our unit. It's weird she wouldn't want a separate life from us. I am better after our talk mainly bc I know where we rank. 

I need to somehow formulate the words to tell my Wife how I will never take baby Girl out of her life or leave her. 

Maybe once the adoption is done she'll feel better.