6 time a failure

We aren't pregnant. The 6th try was a bust. The psychics are wrong. I'm done with psychics. We're moving on to a medicated cycle. I begin taking 2 pills of 2.5 mg Letrozole tomorrow. It's off-label, but found to be effective for stimulating follicle growth. It's actually prescribed for women in early stages of breast cancer. It shuts down estrogen in your body, which therefore stimulates FSH.

We're going back to our OLD donor who we used the first 3 cycles. We had one vial left...we'll give him a shot. It sucks for sibling purposes, unless we have twins. I'd love for our kids to be full siblings, but that's just not possible sometimes. Who knows, as hard as it's been to get pregnant, will we go thru this again?

I'm hoping November is "our" month and we get a + on the test. It would be an excellent birthday present, as me and my eggs turn another year older.

I'm hoping 7 is a lucky number.

Meditation

I purchased the Circle + Bloom IUI Mind-Body Program. It includes 18 guided meditations for producing a healthy egg and baby. I will listen to 15 minutes each day. So far, it's pretty incredible. I'm learning how what you think, whether reality or not, you can make happen with your mind. It's scientifically proven how the mind and body work together. We listened to the first session today...together. It relaxed me as much as anything else has. It put me in a MUCH more positive state of mind.

The progesterone has gone well. It's messy, but nothing unbearable. I insert the applicator and squeeze the bulb at the end. I've done this the past three night right before falling asleep. I usually urinate SEVERAL times while laying in bed before I go to sleep. This is forcing me to just lay there and not go to the bathroom once I inject it. Maybe it will break that horrible habit. So far, no side effects.

I've been kind of down...negative...fearful...questioning. I really think the Mind-Body Program is going to help with that. Fear creeps in very easily. I can't do anything about the future, I can only enjoy what is NOW. THIS IS NOW!! I will enjoy cycle day 3 as much as I possible can. I will enjoy knowing there is an egg and sperm inside me. There is a uterus inside of me. There is progesterone inside of me. That is known. That is for sure. My body has EVERYTHING is could possibly need to make our little baby. Thank you body. I am grateful for you. As much a I am grateful for the air I'm breathing...I am grateful for my body.

I talked with my Wife last night about my fears. I told her I need her to be supportive, more positive. She gets tired of me shooting her words down. I need her to bounce back and fight through all that.

We went to Oktoberfest...SO much fun. I needed the day out. Then we went to music in the park--even better!! The weather was perfect and unbeatable. Afterwards we ate at Outback using some giftcards we had. Sweet!! Then we went to the movies to see Taken 2. Great follow-up movie. They left room for a Taken 3.

10/11/12

We had our ultrasound yesterday, my follicle was 17.9 mm. We ran over to our doc's office to formulate a plan. She said we needed to IUI "tomorrow" 10/11/12. We loved the date. She gave me a Rx for a HCG shot. I called several pharmacies but no one here carries it, except ONE. I picked it up after work and about had a heart attack at the cost, $175. My insurance doesn't cover infertility, which is what that shot is classified as. We took the shot with us this morning and I got it in my right hip. My doc pinching my fat hurt more than the shot! ha

We had placed our order for the sperm to be delivered on 10/10 to the docs office. My doc called just before she left and said she hadn't rec'd it yet. Another lady from her office was going to stay about an hour later. She called and said she hadn't rec'd it yet, either. My Wife left work immediately and went to the docs office to intercept the UPS man. When she got to the elevator it opened and there stood OUR UPS guy!!! He walked her back upstairs where he left our box with another clinic down the hall. She brought the box home and we put it at the foot of our bed, where the crib will be. I talked to it a lot before I went to sleep, and I cried. Not sure why, but I did. I want this SO badly. I hope the universe can see that.

We IUI'd around 8:15 am. I got to work about 15 minutes late, no biggie. Our doc gave us progesterone (cronone) which I will take once daily as a vag suppository. Fun! I am worried about the side effects, but we'll see how my body responds. Droziness, enlarged breasts, and moodiness seem to be common themes from the medicine. I'll take it at night just before I go to bed.

Our donor # adds up to the number 22. We will test on 10/22. We IUI'd on 10/11/12. I am loving the numbers of this cycle. The psychic said she sees July...this month MUST be it!!!

Procedure

My sonohysterogram went well. I laid on the table and LIZ did a regular ultrasound to measure my endometrium and follicles. I have two good sized follicles that we'll check again next Wed. The doc came in and explained EVERYTHING she was going to do. First she put the speculum in and wiped my cervix. That tickled. Then she put beta-dine on my cervix to clean it. Next she showed me the long catheter she would introduce into my cervix and uterus. There was a balloon attached to the catheter She blew it up to show me how big it would get. She compared it to a 3 month old inside the womb. *gasp* She then introduced the catheter into my cervix and blew the balloon up. HOLY JESUS MOTHER OF GOD that hurt like HELL when she blew the balloon up. I clinched everything inside my body and grabbed my Wife's hand and squeezed hard. I said OHHH really loudly. The doctor assured me the pain would end in two seconds, and it did. She asked me to relax and let her know when I was relaxed. I did. She then shot air and saline into my fallopian tubes. They were CLEAR!!! Both of them!! She looked at the uterus more closely and noticed some "mucus" that she could not aspirate. She asked the ultrasonographer to see if there was any bloodflow, there wasn't. She said she was 90% certain it was mucous and not a polyp. She would let our doc that ordered the test make the call if she wanted a test with a scope. We got a GREAT report. I'm so glad to know we don't have any fallopian tube issues causing us any infertility.

Next will be our CD 15 ultrasound, next Wed. We will likely do a trigger shot and inseminate a day after. We're going to start progesterone. Initially the doctor said orally, but after researching, I want to do vaginally, and doc said she would prescribe whichever I wanted. That'll be a blog post all in itself I'm sure.

I emailed a psychic that my best friend has used. I asked if she did a mini-session or one-question readings. She replied she didn't. I told her in my original email I wanted to know when I was going to get pregnant. I emailed her back and told her I would keep her information but wouldn't be able to get a reading right now ($$). She replied that I would be pregnant soon, anyway. :) :)

My Wife had to sit down during my procedure. She got weak in the knees. I am not sure how she'll be in the delivery room. We have always had this thing when I hurt, she hurts, and vice versa.

The pain I felt when the doctor blew that balloon up fled as quickly as it came. I am wondering if that's how child birth is? You forget about it completely afterwards? I can't even recreate the sensation in my head that I felt...which is a good thing.

Sometimes I get so caught up in the insemination and testing that I forgot what the end result is going to be. What are we hoping for? Fighting for? Then I think about those sweet finger and toes....

I can't wait!!

Sonohysterogram

I'm going for a sonohysterogram today to check my fallopian tubes. They will use air/saline contrast agents to fill my uterus and fallopian tubes to look for any blockages. The test lasts about 20 minutes. I am going to take three ibuprofen, due to the cramping I may experience. I hate taking ibuprofen due to havoc it wreaks on your liver, but I can't work with severe cramps.

This I should tell the ultrasound tech to BLOW THEM BITCHES OUT?!?!?!