New Years Resolutions

2012 New Year's Resolutions:

Numero Uno...Get Pregnant

Number 2...Be Kind(er), have more patience

Number 3...eat healthier. Documenting Weight December 31, 2011: 155 lbs. (period, after eating, mid-day)

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Met with our fertility FNP this past Thursday...everything is ready for us to start making a baby in 2012. Vitamins are correct. No more charting BBT or buying OPK's. She will use ultrasound and my period length only. If we run into problems, we'll looking into BBT and OPK's, but hoping that will not happen.

Job is going well.

Christmas was spent at work. My Wife and I opened gifts on Christmas Eve. She got me a black down vest from Eddie Bauer I've been wanting. Also a beautiful hand painting with photo. She got me some cute ear rings, a ring, and a stocking full of nicky nacks. She's the best and most thoughtful gift giver. I love that in the millions of reasons I adore her. I got sick the week before Christmas, and am just now fully recovering. I was miserable and had to take a Z-pak. I ate dinner with my friend DS Chrismtas night, because my Wife was back home with her family. I felt horrible so we didn't stay long, at the Waffle House. I came home and watched Christmas Vacation and fell asleep.

NYE we are going to west TN to my Wife's aunt's house. This is where we went two years ago and had a great time. I'm looking forward to 2012. 2011 was a year of ups and downs...Gram passed was the lowest of the year, but our wedding/reception was the highest. Lots of changes with my job. I am ready for 2012...I don't know that I've looked forward to a year more than this one. Planning our baby is SO exciting to me, minus the daunting task of picking out a donor.

CHEERS!

Hockey Game

The doctor I worked with for the past 3 years (Sales Rep job) called me Saturday morning to see if the Wife and I would like to go to the hockey game that night. His wife wanted to go to another event so they wouldn't be going. I asked if I could discuss with the Wife and give him a call back. My Wife was still in the waking up stage of the morning but I went to her bedside and asked if she'd like to go. We had already made plans to go Christmas shopping, but after discussing, we could just change which mall we went to and still get things accomplished. I called the doctor back and told him we'd take them! He said he would leave them in his mailbox, he later text me he moved them under the snowman on their front porch so the mailman wouldn't take them.

We went downtown to the mall for a quick Christmas shopping stop, then to Whole Foods to use some of the BOGO and FREEBIE coupons I had received from my Wife's friend in Wisconsin for gluten free food. www.getmeglutenfree.blogspot.com We took in the free samples the store offered and perused each aisle discovering new foods and wondering how we would like different things. I love that store, and wish we could afford to buy our groceries from there 100% of the time. That just can't happen.

We took the groceries home then drove out to the doctors house to pick up the tickets. In the meantime the doc had text me there would be 4 tickets in the envelope. We started texting some friends asking if anyone would like to go. Everyone had plans or were out of town. I finally told my Wife I was going to ask CJC if she wanted to go. I follow her on twitter, because she's a singer. She's the daughter and granddaughter of musical legends. She loves sports, and she's overall a kick-ass girl. I sent her a DM and also a tweet. She responded she wanted to go. WOW! What better place to MIRL a twitter-friend? She brought a guy-friend with her that she's known since middle school. I was calmer than I thought I'd be...and I never mentioned anything about her family or her royalty bloodline. I am so starstruck, but I did well, I think. Why I get such a kick out of feeling like I "know" celebrities, I have know clue. Maybe a therapist could shed some light on that.

I am getting excited for Christmas!

I have not forgotten to chart my BBT once! So far it looks to be consistent with what my temp is "supposed" to do each month. I hope I am consistent each month so we can narrow our "window" down.

Our work department volunteered to gather new clothes for a needy family for Christmas. I volunteered to take care of the scarves (four girls). I usually don't donate for things like this, but something was pulling at my heartstrings to help someone less fortunate than myself this year. It made me feel good. I hope the girls like the scarves.

Speaking of scarves, my MIL got me a genuine lambswool Burberry scarf for my birthday. I.LOVE.IT!! I've wanted one ever since I walked into my first Burberry store in Chicago about four years ago. Such a classic item to have in a wardrobe. I'll have to be careful to store it so that moths don't get into it.

BBT

I started tracking my BBT yesterday, as instructed by the chart. 96.63 for the first two days. My chart doesn't go below 97 degrees, but I extended the lines down the page and made it work. I am curious to see how much my temperature rises closer to ovulation.

I survived my first week as a full time employee. I now have benefits. It's very bittersweet for me. I am going to miss my days off...but I love knowing I have GOOD health insurance, a dental plan, and life insurance. We are getting a new group of docs after the first of the year. The new changes they will bring make me nervous but I am going to rely on my good work ethic and hope it pays off to keep my job.

We are going Christmas shopping this weekend, and also going to decorate for the holidays. I love this time of year. I will be working Christmas day this year, which will be much different than the past three years. I get off a day later in the week, and also an additional day within 90 days of the holiday. Yay! Oh wait...I'll probably be sitting in the dentist chair getting a crown and 4 cavities fixed. Ugh!

I love my wife.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, MERRY CHRISTMAS, and HAPPY HANUKAH!

What Marriages are Made Of

My wife went to a Christmas Village event today with her aunt. Christmas Village is where vendors set up their homemade goods/crafts and sell them. It's a local fundraiser. When she got home...she gave me a surprise...one of my FAVORITE desserts! A pumpkin roll. This is what is left...I should have taken a picture before I ate it. Oops!

This is the kind of thing that keeps a marriage together....always thinking of the other ONE. Very sweet and makes me so glad I married her. They say it's the little things...and this is one I will add to the list.

Cryobanks

California Cryobank....Midwest Sperm Bank...Xytex....Fairfax....Cryogenic Laboratories....Northwest Cryo....

and that's just to name a few.

My birthday is a week away. 33. That used to sound so mature and "PERFECT". What is expected of a 33 year old? I'm happy...going to start a new job on the 28th....and looking to start our family. Maybe it is PERFECT, after all.

xoxo

Bryan Adams

"Still feels like our first night together..."

I always thought that was the cheesiest of lyrics...until I lived them. Sometimes when I look at her, I immediately go back 2+ years ago...various places...Vegas, Chicago, Wisconsin, or even at home...looking deep into her soul and letting her know I'm never going anywhere. Butterflies. I believe they call it soul gazing in the psychology books. It does something supernatural like I have never experienced.

I hate when people constantly announce how much they are in love on social media sites so I'm going to write it here where few people read. I love being in love.

Baby

As we were eating dinner Saturday night...my Wife said to me "maybe we could start trying for a baby in my birthday month (May) 2012" I wanted to jump on top of the table and start dancing!! 6 months. That's 6 months to take folic acid, get rid of any toxins that might be in my body, get all the information on 2nd parent adoption, find a cryobank, and find a donor....oh, and read about what to do with a baby while I'm carrying it and then once it gets here.

I'm SO excited!!!!!

I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day and she was telling me about my aunt (J) and her son (R) not getting along recently. I believe they are having a family feud over some land. Another aunt (S) was apparently discussing (gossiping) about it all and made mention that my Aunt J had not always been kind to her son, R, and that it's a shame they are treating each other this way.

Then my aunt S much have also felt compelled to add this, referring to MY parents: "I know you did everything you could for your girls and then they turn out the way they did."

I have fumed over this for several days. I want to email my mom and ask her #1 did she tell me this to be hurtful #2 why would she feel the need to tell me something like that AT ALL ?

Then today I got an email forward from mom about Christmas and how Jesus is taken out of the holiday by the market and how you should be good this holiday season because God is watching. The email also made mention of how we shouldn't just say Happy Holidays to someone but rather tell them Merry Christmas. It mentioned how the retailers promote Kwanza and Ramadan. When I receive emails like this, it nauseates me. Seriously, I start feeling a tightness in my stomach and I want to just scream!

I realize my parents are never going to change...they will always be fundamentalist Christians, and I respect that, but I really wish they would stop emailing me forwards like that. Maybe I should start sending them LGBT email forwards.

I told my Wife the other day I wish I could somehow magically kill myself but not really die. I'd just like the drama of them knowing THEY were the reason and how ridiculous they are. I'd never do something so selfish, or even think about it, but I wish I could get thru to them. I don't know that even something that shocking would work...they still wouldn't be the parents I hope for.

I can only hope that I break the cycle and pass on love and understanding to our children. I want them to be so proud of me as a mother. I want them to think I'm the best mother in the world. I can't honestly say that about mine...and it makes me very, very sad.

Happy Holidays. *evil grin*

Gluten Free

I went to the doc back in the summer thinking I had a gallbladder issue. I was hurting severely under my sternum. After every meal I would become lethargic and just need to lay still. My first attack came July 4 weekend, after eating pork BBQ (pizza and sandwiches) for four days in a row. I had an ultrasound which came back negative, and an unwanted bill at this point. ugh! All my lab work came back normal. My PCP said she felt I needed to see a gastroenterologist. So...here I went. After describing my symptoms, he felt it was an ulcer. I mentioned to him (and my PCP) could this be a gluten thing? Both said not likely, but wouldn't rule it out. The gastroenterologist said he would like to do some blood work while I was there just to check for celiac disease. His nurse called me back a few days later and said my immunoglobulin A was deficient and Dr. P wanted to schedule an EGD (esophagogastroduodenoscopy) (aka scope in my stomach) to get a biopsy from my stomach/intestines. That is the only 100% conclusive way to know for sure if I have celiac disease.

With a deductible of $2500 and 2 months before Christmas, an EGD isn't going to happen right now. I turned in my letter of intent to take a full time position at the hospital. If/when that takes place Nov 28 and my insurance goes into effect, I'll schedule an EGD then. Should be next to nothing in cost.

I asked the nurse if I could go on a gluten-free diet right now and she said NO. They suggest eating foods high in gluten 3-4 weeks prior to the EGD so the biopsy is more effective. If you have no gluten in your system, it's hard to tell if you have an intolerance to it.

Knowing I wasn't going to have the EGD soon, I began buying a few items at the store that are gluten free. I noticed a difference OVERNIGHT! I have barely had any bloating. Little to no pain. I have not gone completely gluten-free, but I haven't eaten much wheat at all. I ate Bob's Mill gluten free oatmeal this morning, it was delicious and NO bloating. Last night I ate GF penne pasta (light Alfredo sauce/sautéed chicken). Have I found my problem?? I sure hope so. I'm going to continue to eat as gluten-free as possible and see if the positive results continue.

No Stogies

She's been smoke free for one year, as of oct 9. I am so effin proud of her. I never dreamed it would have come as soon as it did after she moved here. She had been smoking for 17 years. We started talking about kids, and I bookmarked the chapter about what smoke does to a pregnant person. After she read it, she gave herself a goal date to quit by...and she did it.

For her consolation prize...I took her on a trip to east TN. Ironically, it's to the city where her ex gf lives. I wish it hadn't of been, because at one point of the trip, that consumed my mind that she

was in the same town and I went a little crazy in my head. Why do I do that? I got in a bad mood, regretted it later, and wished I hadn't of acted so childish. After all, she was with ME.

We had so much fun in the cave, on top of the mountain, and looking at waterfalls. We went out on the town and indulged in banana daiquiris and a drag show. Can't beat that! I love me a good drag show. It wasn't great, but it was entertaining.

The next day we ran to Starbucks for breakfast then drove a beautiful country highway to the state park where we hiked to the waterfalls. We even went below the falls to where it lands into a beautiful pool of water.

Remember my post awhile back about a comment my mother made about ready to leave this world? I was on the phone with her last week and we were discussing smoking. She was telling me that dad couldn't stand to be around smoke. Mom said she told him she is so glad he quit smoking years ago (it would hurt his chest and back). His response to her was "well, at least I'd be outta here". It bothers me when they say things like that. Are their kids/grandkids not enough to WANT to live as long as possible? What's the rush to get to the other side? I realize they just want to hurry up and get to heaven...but what if they have misconceptions about heaven? What if after they leave here...they continue a journey and don't make it to utopia just yet? Will they look back and wish they had enjoyed the time they had here?

It's likely I'll be taking a full time job at the hospital, effective November 28. My three year stent as a sales rep will be coming to an end. It's been a good job...great fun and meeting lots of nice people. But it's not for me, and it's not something I would want to do forever. I'm nervous about taking a full time X-ray job. There is no room for making a TON more money. No bonus, little overtime, and no more sleeping til 10 am a few days a week. But I will have a steady income, excellent benefits, and hopefully a job that will provide for our family for years to come. aka BABIES! I used to kick ass taking X-rays, now I don't feel as confident. It's because of what happened three years ago. That day still haunts me. I hope it doesn't forever.

Suze Sux

We showed up at 5 pm, as instructed, to the Polycom owners home. He lived in a nice area and had a nice home. We were told to sit down at the kitchen table and make sure the lighting was good. There was a large tv screen on the kitchen table. They lit a candle behind us. We saw ourselves on the tv screen as we would appear to Suze and the audience. They provided subs, snacks, drinks, dessert, etc for us. WOW...not expected.

The show began taping. We were able to watch it on the screen in front of us. They kept telling us we were coming right up. Finally after they focused on three or four stories, they came to us. We had been prompted on what to say, and ask Suze. We did as instructed. Let me inject here the email we had received from our producer:

"I hope you are well! I wanted to follow up with you and the Wife with a few questions. Suze is really interested in highlighting questions that are specific to same-sex couples- such as benefits, living wills, parental rights, etc. Do you have any of those questions for Suze?

I think the hesitation is that Suze can't tell you to not have a child. If she looks at your finances and sees that you can't afford it, she would never be able to give you that advice on tv. I'm wondering if there is a way to repackage your question so that you get parts of your bigger question answered? let me know your thoughts! Thanks"

The polycom video began recording us. Suze said hi to us, then asked what our question is. I said "hi size, the wife and I are wanting kids but being a same sex couple we have obstacles such as 2nd parent adoption and artificial insemination so we want to know if you can help us?" The Wife said "we don't want to put a price tag on children but we also don't want to go into debt."

Suze answers with "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" Then she asked us what it would cost to have a child. I told her roughly $1000. She asked what we would have left and I responded with $1000. She said "YOU ARE DENIED!!" Then she said this isn't a same sex issue. It doesn't matter if you're straight or gay, if you can't afford kids, you don't need to have them. She asked if we would try to save more money before having them because one of us would have to take off work when the child is born, and how are those bills going to get paid? We both said "YES". And the camera then quit recording us.

We were SOOOOOO pissed off!! We had to sit there while the producers reviewed our segment and then we were free to go. They asked if we wanted to watch the rest of the show, we both said NO. We left the hosts home, grabbed some chocolate chip cookies on the way out, and headed towards home. We stopped at a Mexican restaurant on the way home and talked about it some more. When we got home, we composed this email to our producer.

"Producer A & G

Thank you so much for the opportunity to be on the Money Class. We enjoyed the experience and DB was a great host! He made us feel very comfortable in his home and took care of us, far more than we expected.

However, we must say, we were disappointed in how things panned out. Per the email below, we were told Suze would never tell us we couldn't afford a child, and this is precisely what happened. We had submitted five other questions, per your request, that we thought would be addressed, and were not. We are also upset to be told on air that this was not a same sex issue--we are fully aware that asking if we can afford children is not a same sex issue. However, we were prompted by you, to mention this detail. We feel as if we were then slapped in the face with it on national television.

Thank you again for all of your time."

They may pull our segment from the show after receiving that email, but we didn't care. Maybe we should have just gone to the wedding instead.

This hollywood life is for the birds!

Saturday Choices

We were invited to my former roommates wedding....and we have been selected to be on Suze Orman's Money Class show. Both happening at the same day, at the exact same time. When thinking about the opportunity the SO show is, I can't imagine turning it down--altho the wife would not care a bit if I said forget it! I don't know if she doesn't get as excited as me about money, and trying to figure it all out. Or if she is insecure about being on tv because she feels her weight gain is going to make her look horrible.

Either way, we got the final call tonight everything is a GO for Saturday at 6 pm. We'll be video conferencing with Suze Orman in front of a live audience. LIVE!!! LIVE!!! LIVE!!! That scares the ba-Jebus out of me. We've got to practice a little bit in front of the mirror, but we don't want to be TOO scripted.

I feel bad for missing the friends wedding. But when I sit back and remember her betrayal, I searched in my heart as to why I was going to the wedding. And it was simply because she came to our reception. That's no reason.

We went to my Wife's family reunion on Sunday. It's the first time she has been to the reunion in years. Remember a post or two ago when we had the clairvoyant reading? She mentioned a candle going out and it's my Wife's dad? Well, the lights kept going on and off Sunday at the pavilion and I was watching the on/off switch and no one was near it. I can't help but think it might have been her dad. I won't dismiss it for sure. COOL. I find it ironic we had a candle go out the night we spoke with the clairvoyant about him, and then the lights were repeatedly going on and off at the pavilion...it was bizarre!!

Suze O. Let's impress.

Reading with Rebecca

Our friend CT gave us a "reading" as a wedding gift. She has used her on several occasions. My Wife and I had never had a psychic reading before. We were both nervous and excited at the same time. Rebecca is a clairvoyant reader--she sees images. She doesn't use cards.

We started out with the first question

1) What can you tell me about my career and job

Rebecca said that I like my job but I feel stuck. That I feel like I have been pushed aside and am doing more administrative work rather than what I am good at, which is talking to patients. She said I work with someone who is jealous of me. This person (K) is reaching a head, her life isn't working at home or at work. By the end of the year she'll be off on leave. She said the people I work with do not know what I am capable of because of her.

She asked me to make a list of my perfect day at work.

She said things will be different in a few months.

2) My Wife asked about her dad

Rebecca said that is proud of my Wife and is happy she is brave and living the life that she wants to. She said that he likes me and is okay with our life. He was going to ask us a question about babies but that we need to figure that out. He said that I don't realize how pretty I am and that I should quit being so critical of myself.

She said that he had a hard childhood. She wasn't sure if his dad beat him but that he grew up very poor and had a very rough time as a kid.

She said he was not ready to leave when he passed away.

She said he had a fear of doing things he wasn't supposed to. Maybe it was a fear like something creative that he knew wouldn't be acceptable like a singer or a nurse.

She asked if we had a door in our kitchen that led to a patio with a step (we do). She asked if we ever burn a kitchen candle and it blows out a lot (no)? She said sometimes we feel a breeze blowing through and it's not a breeze...its him. None of this rang true for either of us.

3) I asked about kids.

Rebecca said she saw us having a kid. 2013. The universe is waiting on us to make a decision, and the decision is ultimately up to us. She saw us with a boy. She saw me carrying the baby more than my Wife. I am more fertile. My periods are more regular. She said my PMS is worse. She initially said that I have always wanted to kids, and my Wife hasn't...but that was actually opposite. She said to think about it if we choose to have someone donate sperm vs a sperm donor. She mentioned the names Steve or Scott that is blonde with freckles that could be our age or a little younger as the donor. She said I will have more morning sickness if I carry but that will help my PMS issues. If my Wife carried she really wouldn't even notice she is pregnant. She told me I would be more prone to gestational diabetes and to be careful what I eat while pregnant.

4) I asked about my health

She asked if I had a skin or cartilage issue. I told her I did not but my Wife does. Then she asked if my mom or grandmother had diabetes. I told her yes, my mom. She said that my mom needs to get her heart checked. She said if she hasn't had a physical recently, she should get one. She came back to the cartilage issue and it wasn't ringing any bells so she said she would just say I'm healthy.

5) My Wife asked about her gram

She asked her age. My Wife told her she had passed away. She initially said gram was quiet (not true). She said she didn't talk for the sake of talking but that if she opened her mouth it was because she had something to say. She said when gram talked people listened. She made you feel special, like you were the only one she was telling a story to. She had her time with kids but when she was talking to adults the kids knew not to talk. She said you wouldn't want to cross her.

6) We asked about us, and our marriage.

She said the only thing she sees is that when we argue I want to stay and work it out and my Wife always wants to walk away and come back to it later. She asked if one of us is a chaser and the other needs space. This is EXACTLY true, but with the opposite person. She kept telling us she had a hard time when reading two people sometimes. She said that we would be steps ahead of most couples if I could take a set amount of time and walk away and come back to my Wife...and that my Wife needed to allow me to walk away. She recommended even setting a timer. She told us to remember why we fell in love. Remember how we felt. Take date nights where we don't talk about work. Tell each other 5 reasons why we love each other.

I felt very good about the reading. She was spot on with several things...but CT had told me her accuracy is about 85%. I'm excited to see what's going to happen with my work. And also excited about the possibility of a baby in 2013. Technically Nov 2013 is when I will turn 35, so anytime before that would be okay with me. And it's not like I'm Cinderella turning into a pumpkin on 11/18/13 and my eggs are dying that day.

THANK YOU CT FOR OUR UNIQUE and SPECIAL WEDDING GIFT!!! xoxo

Suze Update

We received another phone call Friday evening from Jeffrey telling us they pitched our story to Suze and she wants us to think about something over the weekend and we'll talk more Monday. As a same sex couple what financial struggles do we face that maybe heterosexual couples do not. She wants our TOP 5.

So far, this is what we have (rough draft)

1) If we have a child and the mother that gives birth were to pass away, what should we do to prepare financially and legally? Would the baby automatically go on the 2nd parents insurance? Would a 2nd parent adoption need to be in place? With heterosexual couples, the answers are already in place. Does a will need to be in place?

2) Brianne and I are unable to file incomes taxes as a same sex married couple. We are not eligible for tax breaks like married hetero couples. Are there any financial options we might be missing? Should the birth mother count the child as a deduction every year or alternate?

3) As a same sex couple, we would not be receiving any of our spouse's Social Security check should the other spouse pass away. What should we do in preparation of this?

4) Insurance--Amanda has to take out private insurance because she is not allowed to be placed on Brianne's policy. Financially, this causes us to pay more than what a family plan would cost. Are there any healthcare loopholes?

5) Ideas??

Holy Money and all things California...

I saw a tweet from money-guru Suze Orman asking if anyone would be interested in being on her new show on OWN this fall. I clicked on the link and a list of categories appeared. #2 was for same sex couples. I clicked. A form appeared asking basic demographics then a square informing me I could enter maximum 2000 words telling my story. So...I started typing. I typed our story...I typed how my Wife and I struggle wanting a baby but we want to be smart and make sure we can afford one first. I gave our income and expenses. I hit "submit".

Yesterday evening I receive a VM from "Annie" from the Suze Orman show on OWN and she loved our story and wanted to talk to us some more. I called her back immediately after dinner. Oh wait...I jumped up and down for about a minute and squealed a bit as I ran to the other room to tell my Wife. THEN we ate dinner and I called her afterwards.

Annie asked me many questions about our income and expenses, why we wanted a kid, and asked me to email her a photo of us. Before we hung up she did a quick run down of our income vs expenses and asked where the $1800/month leftover after bills was going. I didn't have an answer.

I immediately went to our online banking and began writing down our bills. After all was said and done, we have $950 left over. That's what we have to play on for daycare, diapers, groceries, gasoline, and any "fun" money. Ummm....that's NOT going to work with kids!!

I emailed Annie a breakdown of each monthly expense and our incomes.

This evening we got a phone call from Jeffrey...with the Suze Orman Money Class show...for OWN...telling us they love our story and wanted to know if they could ask more questions. I spoke with him about 40 minutes then he asked to speak to my Wife. We both answered questions about our finances, then he told my Wife he wanted to talk to Annie again and could he call us right back. She asked if he could wait about 30 (I was cooking dinner as I talked to him). He said that would be fine and gave us his number to call him.

I gulped my dinner down (perfect for my digestive issues I'm having) and called Jeffrey back. He said most of the questions would be redundant from the previous conversation but he would also ask some psychological questions....have you ever killed yourself, thought about it, mental medication, etc. NO NO and NO. He asked my Wife the same questions then ended the conversation telling her he was going to pitch our story to Suze tomorrow or Monday and they would be in touch with us. O.M.G. !!! It's unfathomable that he's going to talk to Suze Freakin Orman about US!!! I read one of Suze's books YEARS ago...like 8-10 years ago. I've always enjoyed watching her show and seeing her approve or deny people crazy things. And I think the SNL skit about her is one of the funniest EVER.

I'm SO excited about this. I just can't believe it. Even if we don't end up on the show...it's still cool they thought we were interesting enough to call back TWICE. I feel like I'm in a beauty pageant waiting to get "called back" to see if we are "good enough".

Before my Wife got off the phone with Jeffrey, I got an email from Annie asking for more close up pictures of us. I guess they want to make sure we aren't ugly people before they have us come to LA and put us on NATIONAL TELEVISION!

#hard2sleep

The bigger question....can we afford a baby??? What if Suze tells us to sell our house...sell our car...quit going to Starbucks once a month, etc. Am I willing to give up some of the things that make me happy for the life we would have with a baby?

Boss

I ran by my boss' office yesterday on my way out of the hospital to let her know I couldn't work the next day. She began inquiring what I do with my other job. After telling her I am self-employed she asked if I was married. I confirmed I am. She asked why I couldn't get on my husbands insurance. I said "because in the state of TN, I can't get on HERS". Her jaw dropped and she said "I didn't know you were GAY!!!" She is gay, too, so I knew it would be "okay" to tell her. That started a 30 min chit-chat of getting to know each other a little better.

That part that bothered me, tho, is after she said she didn't realize I am gay, she said "oh you must be the girl!" and burst into laughter. I thought about this several times throughout the evening. Why the fuck WOULDN'T I be the girl? I don't get that statement, question, or whatever the hell it is. I would never dream of telling one of my male co-workers "oh!! you must be the dude in your relationship!" He would probably look at me with some crazy-talk eyes!

Can you tell me the point of POINTING out to me that I must be the girl in my relationship? Is it a judgement call? Is it to make ME feel better? or YOU? Couldn't there be something else said like perhaps "oh that's great!!" rather than pointing out some feminine or masculine quality about either of our looks?

Just.Plain.Weird.

Anywho...I'm glad the boss is cool with me being married to a girl. Am I just looking for something to bitch about? Not really...it truly does bother me when people say things like that. It goes back me saying I'm not "gay" enough for my Wife. She says I have no reason to think that...but I still do. I wonder how many femme lesbians are out there?

Three Months

Yesterday was three months. Three months of marriage. It feels like a lifetime ago when we were standing in the rain in our beautiful wedding threads staring into each others souls, promising forever. Not sure why it feels that way, maybe because time goes so quickly these days. Happy Three Months...

We went to the beach last week. We wanted more to go than did, but for one reason or another, it ended up being my Wife, her mom, and myself. I was fine with that, but her mom can be a little moody. I love her to pieces, but she has two mood settings. Normal, and down. When she is down, she is REALLY down. She has a lot to be down about...her oldest daughter died in a carcrash some twenty years ago, eighteen months later her husband passed away from cancer, her mother passed away in April of this year, and her boyfriend told her he could no longer promise her forever.

We left around 20:30 Wednesday night. She was very quiet. We could barely make her talk. I would hear her sniff occasionally, and saw her get a tissue out. I'm sure she was missing her ex, and wishing he was going along with us. I don't know what she saw in him, but that's not for me to say anything about.

The entire time we were at the beach I had this nagging feeling I wanted to be alone with my Wife. Maybe it was because I knew we couldn't, but nonetheless, that's what I wanted. I stayed in a positive attitude--how can you not when you have gorgeous white beaches and clear water in front of you? We had a good time...we truly did. And my Wife and her mom had some goodtalks. My Wife and I took a walk down the beach alone one evening and got to the house her family stayed at three years ago with gram. She cried...she cried hard. I held her. I looked for signs her spirit might be there. When we got back to the beach house there was a HUGE dark blue cloud with a circle in the middle of it--the setting sun shone through perfectly...maybe that was her. Maybe the dolphins were carrying her spirit...they were so close to the beach!

My MIL slept almost the entire way home, it seemed to be another bad day. When we got home our AC was out again (same thing happened 1 week, 1 year ago). Thank goodness it was an easy fix. It was 92 degrees when we got in the house, too hot for sleeping, so I pricelined a hotel. Got a $200 room for $50 and we split it. The AC got fixed the next day.

Sidenote: I wish when my Wife got sleepy at night she would go to bed, rather than fighting it, and getting irritable. It's best if I just don't talk to her when she gets THAT tired.

This pretty much sums up my weekend

Sister

My sisters birthday was yesterday. While she was on vacay about a few weeks ago I had asked mom if she was planning a birthday dinner. She said yes probably the weekend before or after my sisters birthday. I told her when my Wife and I would be in town (the weekend after her bday) and we tentatively set the dinner for that Sunday.

I got an email from my sister the day before her birthday telling me mom was cooking her birthday dinner the day OF her birthday (yesterday). Then I receive an email from mom telling me she was having birthday dinner for my sister yesterday, and she added it was my sisters choice.

I immediately took offense. I do not know if my mom told my sister we were planning to come in this weekend and she deliberately planned the dinner for a week night when she KNEW we couldn't come, or if mom never told her we were coming in this weekend, and it was just never mentioned.

I called my sister yesterday to wish her happy birthday. She asked if I was coming to dinner. I told her no, I was not invited. She said "you know you are welcome". I replied "actually, I don't know that". She immediately changed the subject to something about my parents air conditioner being on the fritz. We chatted awhile and before we hung up she told me that if I was in the area and wanted to "swing by" I was welcome to. "Swing by" would mean getting the car and driving 2 hours, eating dinner, and driving 2 hours back home (+ tank 'o gasoline). I thanked her for the offer and told her I would be getting up early for work today and would not be able to make it but I hope they enjoyed.

Today I received this email from my mom:

"Hi there! Missed ya'll at the BD dinner yesterday(Tuesday). Heard that you were not invited. Sorry for a misunderstanding. You do not ever have to be invited to your Mom and Dad's house. You are welcome. Hope you and Sis can get a better relationship. Makes parents feel sad when the siblings relationships are strained. Dad said, If you two keep going you will end up like he and his brother and you will regret it. Just a tidbit from the old folks at home. Love you all, Mom and Dad"

Sooooo....now what do I do? My Wife suggested I forward that email to my sister and include a short note about wanting to share. My first thought is to write mom back telling her ALL the reasons I don't feel welcomed by Lisa and her bigoted attitude towards US. How she won't even let Sydney be around us because she doesn't want to expose her to gay people. It gets my blood boiling every time I think about it.

I suppose I'll get my sister a gift (card) and drop it off at her house, or my parents this weekend. My sister just replaced her above ground pool. Would be nice to get an invitation to that, too.

My family stinks like armpits in mid-July.

4th of Julie

We had a wonderful 4th of July weekend. We spent most of our time at our little lake place, or at the farm. We caught three fireworks shows, ate way too much BBQ, and drank a little too much a time or two. I am reminded of how miserable I was on holidays (when I was married to the Ex). I would go to my parents house or just sit at home alone and wait. I was so unhappy, I need to be social!!

Saturday we hung around the lake then grilled steaks at my Wife's cousins house with their family. Then we had a small fireworks display at the farm by my Wife's uncle. Sunday we had the family gathering at the farm with a smoked pork shoulder and all the trimmings. Later that evening we went to a fireworks show on the water. We sat on the bridge and had a perfect viewing spot! Monday we invited my parents over for BBQ sandwiches and visiting. They had never seen our lake place, and seemed to enjoy it. Turns out it was in some of my dads old stomping ground. We came back to the big city Monday night for the HUGE fireworks display. So much fun. I love fireworks, it's probably my next favorite holiday to Christmas.

When my parents were over they told me that my Ex had sent a couple of quilts back to me via my ex father in law. My parents and the Ex's go to church together. They forgot the quilts at home, but said they would give them to me the next time I was around. So weird...I would have never thought he would have sent something back to me. I supposed it's a glimpse of hope that he doesn't still hate me. Hopefully since he is happy now with his new bride, the bitterness and hatred towards me has wained. I hope so. We were so very close once upon a time, and I hold no hard feelings towards him. It simply is what it is. I spent my 20s with him..I learned a lot and grew up a lot, and ultimately found out who I am through it all. How could I hold anything against him? I feel he probably learned a lesson or two himself. Same though goes with the next ex...surely he learned to speak differently, and not degrade so quickly. If not, all I can say is thank goodness I don't have to live like that anymore!!

I've been working a lot lately...when I am not in surgery with my regular doc, I am trying to pick up extra days in radiology. I have baby fever so badly. My Wife says she would be most excited if we could be sure we can afford one. I don't know 100% that we can. I realize we can cut things out, but we really do not splurge on much. We could possibly cut down to basic cable, but that is only going to save $20-30 a month. Our biggest expense will be daycare. We have heard $200 a week, but we have also heard $80 a week. $200 is NOT doable, AT ALL. I am going to begin looking at area churches (will they even take a baby from two mommies?) at the cost of day care. There is one next to the house that offers two days a week for a little over $100 a month. Not sure of the house, tho. I promised my Wife I would do all the work of narrowing down the donor selection. That part is grueling for her...she doesn't want to have to do it. I told her I would narrow it down to three and we could then choose together. It would be so much simpler if we knew someone there would be no emotional attachment with, or the possibility of the donor wanting to meet his child when he/she is older. I want an anonymous donor, no questions.

We are headed to the beach in 15 days. The get-away will be much needed and wanted. My MIL is going with us. She's so low-maintenance and low-key, we'll probably not even know she is there, plus she's splitting the cost with us...SCORE!!

Handy Dandy Timeline

I read from this website daily: soyourreengayged.com. A new contributor was added this week and she tells her story. I enjoy reading it...how they met, how they dated, how they proposed, etc. But I am always curious about the past. Not sure why that is...I attribute it to my nosiness. Maybe it's because once you find that SOMEBODY, you don't need to look back at the past. Your past is why you are the way you are NOW tho, right?

But I find comfort in reading about others coming out process, if I can possibly relate? It was painful for me, it left me with some scars, but I did it, and I survived...and I continue to. If you have your story documented or would just like to share, I'm all ears.

She had a handy dandy timeline of events...which, coincidentally, my Wife and I were discussing just last night when we considered our first kiss. We were watching the Tonight Show and theywere interviewing couples and would ask that question while one spouse had ear phones on so their S.O. couldn't hear them. She turned to me in bed and asked "when was our first kiss? In Phase I or Phase II?". I sometimes wish there was no Phase I, but other times I wouldn't trade those high school years we "fooled around" for anything. It helps me to know HER, her history, her family, where we came from. I love a commonplace. I love that we're from the same small town, both got out of that small town and experienced some life, then somehow through aligning of the stars and planets came back together to enter Phase II.

We determined Phase I first kiss was Feb 3 (2/3), Phase II July 23 (7/23). We have always remembered the 2/3 (first) kiss in high school because it's my dad's birthday. Our Phase II first kiss was in Las Vegas. The rest is history...

Dying

I want it to be documented, so I'm writing it here in cyberverse where nothing ever really disappears.

I was talking to my mom on the phone Thursday before going in to work. We were talking about getting old, aging, taking care of yourself, etc. She said she wondered recently if there was any one out there whose heart would possibly never stop beating. I guess I had never pondered that scenario. I don't think that medical condition exists. She said my dad used to jokingly say he was going to live to be 110 but that recently he has said he wouldn't want to. I told her maybe she and dad would have that "condition" she speaks of. She said "i wouldn't want to die because of you two (meaning my sister and me) but if it weren't for ya'll, I'm ready right now". I think I was in too much shock to say anything so I told her I needed to get in the hospital and get to work. Afterwards I got to thinking about what she said, and analyzing. It came across that she is miserable. That she is truly ready to leave this world. I can not conceive or comprehend that. I have SO much to live for! I take into consideration her age, 61, but that still seems young to say such a thing. Maybe I am putting too much thought into it and she was just meaning she's ready to go, in a religious sense. But she qualified it by mentioning my sister and me, so I know what she REALLY meant. She has never been a happy person, so it's fitting she would say such. My dad once told me a long time ago that if it weren't a sin he would have done something with his own life.

So...when my mom and dad are no longer here, I can come back to this post and KNOW they were ready to go, almost WANTING it. It makes me sad.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

I need to play the lotto, slots, or a game of 21. I won Natasha Bedingfield tickets from a social networking site. This is the third thing we have won in the last few weeks. I am so excited, I love her music!! "A-N-G-E-L..." The concert starts at 9 pm...and I have to be at work at 7 am the following day. Can you say coffee?? I bought a My K-cup off ebay this week. Hoping I will use my Keurig more now.

We booked $40 flights to Chicago. We're going to stay with my cousin. That will be late September...hopefully the smell of fall will be in the air. We will most likely be on a budget...serious budget, but life is too short to sit at home and worry about money, right?

xoxo

This is life...

So the biggest difference in the life I had before my Wife and now...MOVIES! We rarely watch them. There never seems to be time. Our DVR is constantly full, and we feel some sort of mysterious pressure to watch something from the DVR queue when we are home. I miss my movies...We had planned for a date night, Saturday. I could hardly wait...a MOVIE!! YAY!! My Wife got cheap groupon tickets, and I also found more this week from living social. That means two movie date nights!!

I registered for free Bonnaroo tickets on a social networking site. I WON!! I couldn't believe it. I didn't even know who was playing but after looking at the list I got excited, then I began thinking about the reality of the event. The sweat. The no showers. The crowd. The heat. YUCK! We have been planning a little min-getaway with my MIL and her BF. After the Wife and I talked about it, we decided to sell our B'roo tickets and use the money for our vacation. We put them on ebay and craigslist. After several no-shows and scams, I finally sold them to a girl who was "thinking" about going. $400 cash in pocket. Funny thing?? Our vacation rental was exactly $400!

The same day I won the B'roo tickets, the Wife received a 4 day pass (minus 1 day because her boss was going to use them) to the music festival downtown from her boss. How lucky could we be? We should have played the lottery. I was MUCH more excited about this, at least there were assigned seats and some sort of organization to the event. The main people I wanted to see were going to be there. We got there at 8 pm Thursday night. I saw "looks" as we were making our way to our general admission seats. I even saw a girl whisper something to her friend and the friend said "shhhh". My wife always gives the benefit of the doubt, and told me they could have been talking about ANYTHING but us...but I just had a feeling they had an issue with us. We never show any PDA but my Wife wears guy clothes, and that is what gets the looks. I like what she wears, but it seems that sometimes when we are going to place that would be more conservative she wears things even MORE masculine. I honestly don't think she does it consciously, but I don't think she "thinks" about what others might say or think, either. Good for her. I wish I could be less observant...less noticing...less worried someone is going to SAY something. I often think if they say something...what will my response be? I never have to worry if my Wife is with me because she will spout some four letter obscenities at them in a heartbeat. That's not my style. I would rather ignore them or possibly embarrass the person saying the negative comments. Not her, she's always ready to spout from the mouth. I'm not saying it's a bad thing...I'm just more the type to let someone run over me. I think it comes from her competitive days of sports. She's just not gonna take shit off anyone. Most of her family is the same way, they grew up not afraid of standing up for themselves, or their family members. Something I will have to get used to.

I worked at the hospital the next day, oh was I tired!! I got a text right after lunch from my Wife asking if I could call her. I "guessed" that she was going to tell me her boss couldn't use the tickets that night. She wouldn't confirm, so I called her. She said "he can't go...do you want to?" OH MY GOSH! I was so excited because my fav band was going to be there (Sugarland). I'm totally convinced the female singer is a lesbian, and a very nice looking one at that!! We chose to enter the stadium and go to the gen. admission area a different way from the night before. WOW we got AWESOME seats!! We were parallel with the stage and had a great view, much better than the night before. The people that were sitting around us were SO friendly, what a much better night!!

Saturday we got up and went to the riverstage area and listened to Crystal Bowersox sing. Then we went to meet Robin Meade at her meet and greet booth. What a beautiful lady!! My Wife's aunt is infatuated with her, so I had been trying to think of a way to get Robin to say "hello" to her. First I thought about a phone call, but she wouldn't be able to replay that over and over, so I thought about the Flip I got my Wife for our anniversary and see if she would say hello to the camera, afterall, that's what she is used to! And she did!!! Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uOjKhCGXmg

Aunt Judy about went to heaven when she viewed the video. We really made her day, I was so glad. She thinks we ROCK!!

Saturday night was date night...we used a wedding gift card and ate at Olive Garden...then we went to see Bridesmaids. We laughed for two solid hours. What a funny movie...think we'll have to buy that one!!

Sunday we went back down to the festival and listened to Robin Meade sing on the plaza. She's a great singer..awesome voice!! My fav was her cover of "Dirty Laundry". The songs she has written were also good.

Work for me is slow...wish it would be more consistent. I've got baby fever. I don't want to have a baby until I am certain of how much $$ I will bring home every month. Thankfully, my Wife has a very consistent income. I've been picking up more days at the hospital, which helps. I am hearing that insurance companies are not pre-approving people for surgery as readily as they once were. Hope this is a phase.

Great weekend....Great life.

Honeymoon Part Deux

A little hungover, we got up and had coffee and a ham & brie croissant at Gregory's Cofffee that was right across the street from the hotel. We then headed to Little Italy, thinking we were hungry. When we got there we decided we weren't. So we walked around Little Italy awhile and over in Chinatown. Did I mention I was PMS'ing? Had to find a Duane Read for those supplies, ick!

We walked enough to increase our appetites and decided upon lunch at Da Gennaro and dined al fresco. I had manicotti and my Wife had chicken fetuccini. It was very delicious. We walked over to Ferrara's Bakery and got 2 mini canoli's to share, yum!!! After this, we just walked around site seeing. Walked up to So Ho - I saw Dash, the Kardashians store. We saw a store called Teno that had some really amazing jewelry inside and we decided to check out their website when we returned home to see just how expensive it was! I stopped at a little store side mini cupcake place and we shared 3 mini cupcakes. It was either called Designs by Melissa or Cupcakes by Melissa. Very cute idea and very good and fresh. In thinking, I guess we got the mini cupcakes prior to going back to Little Italy and eating lunch. We then took the subway back to Times Square hoping to see the naked cowboy, but no luck. Then we headed over to Rockefeller Center and hung around while drinking mango smoothies from Ben & Jerrys. We saw the NBC plaza and walked around in the concourse below the plaza. Afterwards we headed back to the hotel to get ready for our play.

We got tickets for The House of Blue Leaves at the Walter Kerr Theater. We picked this one based on getting online and looking up broadway shoes with celebrities. This one sounded very good to both of us. Had Ben Stiller, Edie Falco, Jennifer Jason Leigh in it. We decided to take hire a pedicab to take us over to the theatre. It wasn't far, but we were a little short on time and I had very sore feet and was not wearing the most comfortable shoes. It was fun - I had to hold my dress down due to wind, and had to use my Wife's assistance at times! Good stuff!! We got drink in the theater, wine and beer. They serve each in glass with a sippy cup top on it! It was hilarious. Not sure the reasoning, but funny nonetheless. It was very cool to see the celebrities up close. Ben Stiller's dad ,Jerry, was there and we also saw Hank Azaria there, as well. If not for the celebrities, I would have been very disappointed in the play. It was alright, but wouldn't have been if we didn't get to see the famous people. In talking, my Wife said she felt the same way. It was still a good time. We left the theater and got another (too expensive $17) pedicab to take us to our reservations at Bar Americain. It was only a few blocks from the theatre, but too far to walk with my shoes.

Bar Americain is one of Bobby Flay's restaurants. Our reservation was for 10:30pm, so it wasn't very crowded. We started with a shrimp cocktail that was good. It came with a mole/wasabi type sauce that neither of us were extremely fond of. I got sea scallops for my entree and my Wife got a filet. We ordered a side of Fries Americain which came with a very yummy dipping sauce. But, the fries weren't anything special - just normal fries. Guess I expected a little more. We also got Hot Potato Chips w/ a Blue Cheese Sauce. It was pretty good. Not better than Stony River's blue cheese chips, but good. I loved my scallops and my Wife's steak was very good. Too full for dessert. We took a taxi back to hotel and off to bed.

Saturday morning we decided to go to Central Park before we had to head to airport. We got up and got coffee at Gregory's again. Checked out of hotel and had them hold our luggage. We decided to walk up instead of subway. Was good b/c we got to walk up 5th avenue and see all the shops. Saks 5th Ave, Versace, Adana. There was an Abercrombie and Fitch that we decided must have been having a grand opening or something. There was a line waiting to get in at the door and it went around the corner of the block. There were models standing inside the doors - literally like the models you see on the sides of their bags they give you. Crazy! We saw St. Patricks and got some pics. Made it to central park and decided to do a horse drawn carriage ride - was very romantic (bargained for $40). We walked through more of the park after. Saw part of the Central Park Zoo, Wolman Rink, mall and fountain. Stayed here a couple hours and headed back to hotel. Got almost back to hotel and realized we must have looked out our watches wrong, b/c we still had an hour before we had to head to airport. Decided to go get coffee and people watch in Times Square and maybe look for the naked cowboy again. Starbucks was packed so we walked across the street to Europa Cafe. Decided to get a bite to eat here as well. Sat in a window seat and watched peeps walk by. I mentioned going up to AE and getting a NY shirt so we headed there. Ended up with several shirts, a hoodie, and a bag! Stopped at a souvenir store and found my Wife a cool NY hat and we also got a picture frame, too. Sadly, it's time to get to airport.

Walked to hotel and got cab to La Guardia. The airport was dead!! We decided Saturday is a great travel day! Got on the plane and made our way back to Nashville.

Home on Sunday and I am having a very lazy and wonderful Sunday with MY WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could not be happier and could not have had a more perfect wedding and honeymoon.......except if it had been longer and never-ending. I am the luckiest and most fortunate woman in the world.

Our Slideshow

It will only be up a few more days, but thought I would share. Our online gallery will be available soon. I will post as soon as all the photos are edited and uploaded. We also received our reception photos...can't wait for you to see them, as well.

http://www.kellyprizel.com/slideshows/AmandaBrianne/

Images by Kelly Prizel Photography

Honeymoon in the Big Apple

We took the hour long train ride to Grand Central Station. What a beautiful evening. The sky had a mix of clouds with the sun setting and it looked "heavenly" outside. It was the kind of sky after it has rained all day, and everything looks brighter and more crisp. Beautiful.

We hopped off the train and walked back to our hotel. We were going to taxi it because we had luggage but after we began walking, we figured we might as well keep going as we were only a few blocks away. We checked into the hotel, the Algonquin. What a nice boutique hotel! It was much nicer than the one I had previously stayed in, and several square feet larger. I could actually raise my arms above my head in the shower to massage the shampoo into my hair. We changed clothes. I put on the dress (several posts below) with the champagne ruffles and my Wife put on her suit. We took a taxi ride to the restaurant (Quality Meats) as it was too far to walk in heels. The restaurant was super cool inside. Three levels, thousands of bottles of wine, and lovely romantic ambiance. I ordered wine and my Wife ordered a beer. We split the fillet as we didn't see any appetizers that grabbed our attention. We had read reviews about the cream corn brulee and Parmesan gnocchi. Both were to die for!! So delicious. The steak was "okay", but I have certainly had better. For dessert we split a chocolate banana bread pudding with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream and a sauce that was oooey gooey goodness. We had stated in our online reservations we were celebrating our wedding night. What I assume was the manager, brought us a complimentary bottle of champagne! I do not care for champagne, but the gesture was appreciated.

We went back to the hotel and decided we wanted another drink. We went into the hotel bar (The Blue Bar) and were seated promptly by a scottish bartender. What a jovial fellow! After our first drink, we were warmed up to him and told him it was our wedding night. The evening manager brought us a bottle of red wine, on the house! Sweet!! He also told us we could have breakfast brought to our room the next morning...I think we were drinking a bit much to remember to order it. We made friends with another couple standing at the bar from Arkansas. We talked to them for a long time, then stumbled our way to our room.

I'll leave out the TMI details, but, there was nothing disappointing about our wedding night.

We set the alarm to go to the Today show, but when the buzzer sounded, we turned the tv on and realized all the Today show news crew were either in London for Will & Kate's wedding, or in Alabama, covering the tornado damage. We rolled back over and went to sleep for a couple of more hours...

Wedding Day is HERE! Part 2

Our wedding day is HERE! We set the alarm so we could meet my MIL at 9:15 am. We grabbed coffee and juice then headed to the town clerks office where we would swear in. Just the three of us went, it was a short walk. The clerk's office had the paperwork printed and ready for us to look over. We had faxed our application in earlier in the week to expedite the process. We both raised our right hand, signed the certificate, and paid our $30. Voila! We were married...ALMOST! The town clerk (super nice guy) gave us the certificate to give to our justice of the peace (JOP). We headed back to the hotel to get ready. We had a few minutes before we needed to start our showers so we sat in the lobby with my MIL and chatted a few minutes. While we were sitting there, our FLOWERS arrived. They were stunning!! My bouquet was an arrangement of mango colored mini calla lilies wrapped in burgundy silk and pins that matched. My MIL had a white calla lily nosegay wrapped in ivory silk and pins that matched, and then my girl had a mango

orange corsage with subtle greenery and a couple stephanotis flowers in front.

Around 10:30 we headed to our room. It was HOT in there, and the air conditioner did not seem to be working. My girl went to the hotel desk and asked if we could get ready in a room where the A/C worked. They kindly gave her a room key to a room across the hall, and beside my MIL and aunt/cousin. We grabbed our goods and commenced to getting ready. We initially wanted to get ready in separate rooms, but that didn't work out, which was fine. I played music while we got ready--Amy MacDonald, one of our

favorite artists.

First was makeup. A friend had bought me all the MAC makeup I would need, and gave me a full set of Trish McEvoy brushes. I may be tooting my my own but I thought my makeup looked damn good. Later in the day our photographer even asked if I had it professionally done. That made me feel SO good, as she sees brides on a weekly basis! It took awhile to get my hair extensions in. I called my MIL in to help me...she was supposed to have watched my stylist at the Aveda salon but I could tell she wasn't really paying attention. Next we called in my girl's aunt...she has an eleven year old girl so surely she can help do hair, right? Well, between the three of us, we got it in, and secured. I thought it looked great!

We took the hotel shuttle to the south train station where we met our photographer for pre-wedding photos. We had overcast skies, which our photographer said was synonymous with God smiling down on us, from her perspective. We stayed there for about an hour and a half shooting pictures. The forecast for the day was 80% chance of rain and storms. So far, not a drop all day...until we were wrapping up the photo shoot at the train station and the bottom fell out. It was okay because we went inside and took some photos next to a pedestal clock. I can't wait to see those photos!!

Kelly offered to let us ride in her car from the train station to the estate mansion. Our three guests caught a cab ride over. When we arrived it was raining. The AARP meeting was finishing up but the ladies were so enamoured with us they were chit chatting with each of us about our wedding. One lady offered to let us borrow some large umbrellas she had in her car. We took her up on that!! I went inside the mansion to see if I could see any covered areas in the back where we could get married. We had made a verbal agreement

with the parks and rec department to only be outside, and I wanted to keep my promise. I could see the tea room out the side window that I had been told about. It was PERFECT.

My girl and I began walking down the rock walkway towards the tea room and I heard footsteps behind us. I asked my girl if someone was following us and she turned around to see a strange man. My girl said "Are you the JOP?" He said he was and gave each of us a hug and kiss. We stood under the umbrella talking for a few minutes then we proceeded down to the tea room and stood under the covered porch. Our three guests were scrambling to get their purses and goods off the porch (pictures were going to be made) but they wanted to keep them dry. After a few minutes, and us ready to begin...the JOP asked the peanut gallery to join us. My girls cousin started playing the wedding march on her ipod (how cute!) and we began our ceremony. We had put our vows together by piecing several of JOP's suggestions together. Then we each had written our own vows to each other. This is where I began to cry...and had to fight back the tears. The

words she spoke to me touched my heart. I had not expected to cry, or be emotional, but making such a huge commitment to one another, and pouring our life and soul out in a few short moments, I couldn't hold back the water works just a bit.

We finished the ceremony and Kelly took more photos of us at the mansion. So many shots and poses!! After about another hour of pics, Kelly took us to the town hall (our guests called for the hotel shuttle to pick them up), where we picked up our marriage license and got a few more pictures. When we were walking outside the sun popped out and we saw a gorgeous row of cherry blossom trees where Kelly thought we could get some wonderful shots. There were also some magnolias in full bloom, and these turned out to be awesome pictures from what we have seen so far. I got my dress and shoes SO dirty here, but the pictures were worth it. From there we went downtown and had more shots in front of some of the cute shops and streets. I took my shoes off for all of these photos, I couldn't take it any longer!! We finished up around 5 pm and Kelly took us back to our hotel...but not before noticing she had a parking ticket!!

Oops!!

Once back at the hotel we packed our belongings and talked about having a drink in the hotel lobby but realized there was no time, as we had to catch the train back to the big city. My MIL had rented a car by this time and took us to the train station. We were starving (hadn't eaten ALL day) so we stopped at a drug store and got chips and drinks for the train ride. Our family took us to the east train station where we gave both of them thank-you cards. My MIL talked to my wife for awhile, in private, and said some meaningful words to her. We finally caught the train and enjoyed our hour long ride, in daylight hours, back to Grand Central...MARRIED.

So far...it's been a perfect day.

Wedding Part 1

We left for LGA 0600. There were heavy thunderstorms as we were driving to the airport. My girl was going to drop us four (mother in law, my girls aunt, and her daughter) off then go park in economy and take the shuttle. She started texting me a few minutes after I thought she should be parked "I missed the shuttle" and she chased him down through the parking lot. She beat the umbrella on the side of the bus, but he kept driving. She threw in a lot of expletives in her texts and said she was back in the 4Runner waiting for another shuttle to come by. She missed that one, too. Finally, thirty minutes later, my sweet fiance came thru the airport door, drenched and NOT happy. I was worried this might be a pre-cursor for the rest of the trip, but it wasn't...just a hiccup we will laugh about for years to come. The image of her beating on that shuttle bus in the severe thunderstorm still makes me giggle a bit.

We arrived in NYC just before lunch. We took a taxi to our hotel we'd be staying at for our wedding night. We had pre-arranged for them to hold our luggage while we did some touristy things in the city. We took the subway to Battery Park and then ferried over to the statue of Liberty. We spent a couple of hours walking around the museum, pedestal base, and outside around the water. We took the taxi back uptown where we walked to Otto Pizzeria (Mario Batali's restaurant) for our pre-wedding night dinner. The food and wine were great...I had the homemade pasta cheese gnocchi, which to me was the best thing I tried. The others had pizza and my MIL had pasta with spinach and italian sausage. The dessert menu was not appetizing to any of us so we walked around the corner to a Starbucks (I was hoping for a local choclatier but no such luck).

We discussed taking the family to Times Square so we hopped on the subway and headed that way...or so we thought. Turns out we were going Downtown and ended up crossing the river and into Brooklyn. We were just a few stops shy of Coney Island. Oops!! We had a good laugh and got back on the RIGHT subway and walked around Times Square. We sat on the bright red steps. Some kids behind us were smoking pot. Hundreds and hundreds of people were out and about. TLC had a huge screen set up in front of the red steps where they would air the royal wedding Friday morning.

After we walked around TS for a bit we headed to our hotel to pick up our luggage, then on to Grand Central Station. On our way to the hotel we were detained at a roadblock. I saw a news channel van and cameraman with an anchor playing with his ear piece so I asked the cameraman what was going on. He looked at me like I was a dumb girl from Tennessee and said "ummm, the PRESIDENT is in that building" and pointed up to the building we were standing beside. Sheesh...

We took a detour to GCS where we would catch the rail train to the South Norwalk train station. We just missed a train so we would have to wait 45 minutes for the next one. By this time I had blisters from my Sperry's and I was cranky. I sat on the floor in the middle of GCS and people watched. When we got on the train we thought we picked some seats that would remain empty around us. After we took off the next stop we made picked up a couple of drunk folks. Ugh, they sat right in front of us and were OBNOXIOUS the entire ride. Thankfully they got off a couple of stops before us, but it was still a long train ride having to listen to them.

We arrived at the South Norwalk train station and caught a taxi to the hotel. He couldn't shut the trunk because of our luggage so we rode through the town with the trunk lid flopping up and down. We arrived at the hotel shortly before 1 am EST. It took me a long while to go to sleep. I was worried...worried about our wedding day. The forecast was calling for 80% chance of rain at wedding start time. I wasn't sure if what they call thunderstorms were the same kind we have. I also worried that the city wouldn't allow us to stand under their covered area for the ceremony. Our JOP mentioned in an email earlier in the day that he didn't think they would let us. Our photographer also contacted us earlier in the day and asked if we could move our photo shoot time up because she was looking at the forecast and expected rain later in the afternoon, when we were scheduled to have pictures. We agreed to meet at the train station at 1 pm for photos. I think I got a bad piece of meat at Otto and my stomach was not feeling great...this added to my nauseous feelings about the wedding day. Finally, I drifted to sleep, and woke just before the alarm went off.

Easter

“The greatest ignorance is to reject something you know nothing about”

I searched for a ignorance quote so that my BIL will see it. He may or may not take the bait. Why I feel I am sent here to change the worlds view on gay people, I'm not sure. But I feel I can make a difference. I don't feel it's right to just sit back and let others around me trudge in their ignorance without at least giving them subtle hints they are oh what's the word...IGNORANT!

I told my mom a few days ago that my Girl and I would be over around 8 pm on Easter night to see them. We left the farm a little early, we needed to stop by the cemetery to drop off some flowers on my Girl's dad and sisters graves. We got to my mom/dads around 7:30. About a mile from their house I met a vehicle that looked like my sisters. When we got to mom and dads my dad met us outside and said we just missed my sister. I didn't say anything, but changed the subject. Mom never mentioned her the entire visit. The only thing dad said was he got in trouble and explained that my sister had wanted them to do something with my niece that day but dad didn't have his cell phone with him so she apparently made dad feel bad. After we left my Girl said "well, at least you know she's not just a bitch to YOU". I guess it was the first easter I've never talked to my sister. I don't know what to do. I'm not going to push myself on her...but there will come a time when she will wish she had just accepted my life. And I am sure out of guilt I will require myself to be nice to her when that time comes. Not without telling her how much THIS hurts.

We had a great day with my Girls family. We had a fabulous dinner and dessert and had a nice egg hunt with all the kiddos. There was a void...gram wasn't there. She was missed. Her laugh and her good humor.

We leave in just a little under 36 hours for NYC. I've got to bring the suitcases downstairs and start gathering my things. I hope I don't forget anything!! I suppose as long as I have my wedding dress and some makeup, everything else should be fine. RIGHT?

I'm going to marry my best friend. The person I have wanted to be with since high school. My girl crush, my girl lust, and the girl of my dreams. She will be a wonderful wife. Cheers to the rest of our live(s) together!!

Wedding Gift

I've been struggling with what to get my Girl for a wedding gift. We are going the traditional route on most everything else, so I want to include that, as well. She is NOT a diamond type girl, and rarely wears women's clothing. But for the wedding she'll be in a women's Banana Republic pantsuit. I found a black/diamond square necklace pendant and some small hoop diamond earrings today that I am considering giving to her as a wedding gift. Do you have any ideas? Have you heard of anything romantic or sweet...and special?

I initially found a canvas print that was personalized with our names on it but I don't know how I'd get that on the plane to CT, and I don't know where she would hang it? I am going to give her a hand written note with the jewelry...I guess I just wish the jewelry was more meaningful--like an heirloom.

We picked the restaurant we want to take my Girl's mom/aunt/cousin for our "rehearsal dinner". There's nothing to rehearse, but that's what we're calling it. We'll eat at Otto's Pizzeria (Mario Batali's restaurant) near the statue of liberty drop off.

I confirmed our wedding venue today. If I didn't post a pic on here, it's on my social networking site. We aren't renting the mansion, the parks & rec dept agreed to let us have our ceremony in the garden at no charge. I assured them we would only be 30 min or so. She informed me there is an AARP meeting taking place in the mansion and they might want to watch our ceremony. That's funny to me.

I also faxed in our marriage application. It will be typed and ready for us to swear and sign when we arrive Thursday morning. WOW! The countdown is winding down. This time next week I'll be in NYC. I can hardly believe it. Our wedding is practically here!!

Easter plans..I'm making a banana cream pie, and a pumpkin pie. The family has designated me as a dessert maker. I love it. I'd much rather bake something than cook something like mashed potatoes. I wish gram was here to help me make it...she loved to cook, and even in the last six months as she was stuck in her recliner (in the kitchen because it was her favorite room) she would point, direct, and instruct each one of us what to do and how to do it. Damn, I'm going to miss her.

11 days

11 days before we are to get married, my Girl's gram passed out of this life, and into the next. We had moved the wedding up from August to April so that her gram could share with us this special time.

Funny story, the day before she passed, she had the eldest daughter (my Girl's mom) look online for the PERFECT stand mixer to give us at our wedding shower last Friday. My Girl's mom printed a picture of the mixer and let gram write a note on it for us. With her shaky hand writing she wrote "love you both pops and gram". Earlier she had told ANOTHER daughter to go buy us a mixer we had picked out on our Tar-J wedding registry. So when we got to our shower Friday night we opened first a beautiful stand mixer, and then next opened a piece of paper with another mixer on it! ha ha We are going to take back the mixer from Tar-J and order the one she had found online, since that's the one with the note on it. Apparently another daughter (there were five) and her friend had spent several hours with gram in the hospital and online looking for the best mixer choice for us. It means so much to know she wanted us to have this, and that we had her approval. Our wedding and reception will be bittersweet, knowing she will not be there to celebrate with us.

She was a wonderful lady. Someone I will never be like, nor could come close. She loved more unconditionally than anyone I've ever known. She was a perfect example of what a person should be. She had a happy marriage for 56 years and I can only hope my Girl and I can be as happy as they were. Speaking with such gentleness towards each other.

When she was diagnosed with cancer, I had often thought I should write gram a letter and tell her how much she meant to me. It seemed silly, and something I wasn't sure if she would appreciate. I don't regret not writing it. But when I walked to her casket Sunday night I whispered a "thank you" to her. I hope she heard it. It was a loaded thank you.

It was a thank you for setting an example.

For loving me.

For telling me she loved me, and she said it first.

For showing me she loved me.

For approving of her granddaughter and me.

For the stand mixer

For showing me how to make homemade pie crust.

For telling me how to cook lasagna noodles and how to just cover them up and you can use them later in the day.

For telling me her cheese sauce calls for a pound of cheese and how to measure it out.

For always having a dessert made when we visited...it was for pops, but I always partook.

For always asking about my work or my job.

For showing me what a marriage should be.

For writing a note on our mixer picture.

For giving me money for Christmas, even after I had just been around them for five months.

For loving unconditionally, everyone, no matter what. She didn't care what religion you were, who you slept with, or how fancy you were. If she loved you, she loved you whole heartedly.

For having a heart as deep as the ocean.

Thank you gram. You will be truly missed. I love you.

P.S. I think she would want us to continue with our wedding, so we are still preparing to fly up next Wednesday for our ceremony. At least she'll get to be there this way.