I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day and she was telling me about my aunt (J) and her son (R) not getting along recently. I believe they are having a family feud over some land. Another aunt (S) was apparently discussing (gossiping) about it all and made mention that my Aunt J had not always been kind to her son, R, and that it's a shame they are treating each other this way.

Then my aunt S much have also felt compelled to add this, referring to MY parents: "I know you did everything you could for your girls and then they turn out the way they did."

I have fumed over this for several days. I want to email my mom and ask her #1 did she tell me this to be hurtful #2 why would she feel the need to tell me something like that AT ALL ?

Then today I got an email forward from mom about Christmas and how Jesus is taken out of the holiday by the market and how you should be good this holiday season because God is watching. The email also made mention of how we shouldn't just say Happy Holidays to someone but rather tell them Merry Christmas. It mentioned how the retailers promote Kwanza and Ramadan. When I receive emails like this, it nauseates me. Seriously, I start feeling a tightness in my stomach and I want to just scream!

I realize my parents are never going to change...they will always be fundamentalist Christians, and I respect that, but I really wish they would stop emailing me forwards like that. Maybe I should start sending them LGBT email forwards.

I told my Wife the other day I wish I could somehow magically kill myself but not really die. I'd just like the drama of them knowing THEY were the reason and how ridiculous they are. I'd never do something so selfish, or even think about it, but I wish I could get thru to them. I don't know that even something that shocking would work...they still wouldn't be the parents I hope for.

I can only hope that I break the cycle and pass on love and understanding to our children. I want them to be so proud of me as a mother. I want them to think I'm the best mother in the world. I can't honestly say that about mine...and it makes me very, very sad.

Happy Holidays. *evil grin*