Monday, August 31, 2009

Guilt

I feel guilty because I'm sure somewhere deep inside my subconscious I wanted something to happen in Vegas. I told myself it wouldn't. I never dreamed it would be more than physical attraction. But it was, and it is. Should I have broken up with him BEFORE I went to Vegas? The minute I recognized there was something missing. Would it have made it any easier for him?

He says things to me in anger. I'm sure he means them but people who are hurt, hurt others, or at least they try.

I had just gotten over previous guilt of what I did to my ex husband. Now this is feeling more like a soap opera. I have guilt now because I didn't end my relationship with him the minute I noticed I was "looking" for something more. I guess he sees that he would have had a 2nd chance. But would it have been too late, still?

I miss her. Only 4 more days. She's playing softball tonight, with someone I don't like. She asked me the other day if I would prefer she not be friends with her anymore. I am not going to make that mistake again. I will never ask someone to do that. It was held over my head too many times. I am hoping when she moves here their contact will fizzle. Unless it's true friendship, it will. She still avoids talking about her to me. I guess she thinks I will have something to say. I have no idea the dynamic of their friendship. Soon it won't be an issue, I hope.

1 comment:

  1. One thing I've learned with relationship experience is that it's respectful and loving to not pursue certain friendships in light of new relationships. For example, I let Carter know recently that I didn't think it was best for us to communicate anymore. Clay didn't ask me to do that, but I want to create a safe, loving environment for our relationship to grow, and I think a friendship with my ex-boyfriend doesn't help foster that. Just my thought.

    Hope the 4 days fly by!

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