I've been reflecting back on times I remember the subject of being attracted to girls came up. One in particular comes to mind. I was at my then-best friends house, our husbands probably playing video games or talking about hunting season. My then-best friend has a gay brother. I always felt an extra connection to her because of that. I always wanted to be considered family-friendly. I was sitting in my bf's bedroom and told her I had asked husband if he and her husband had ever done anything sexually. She burst into laughter at that. I eluded that I had an attraction to a girl in high school. Not sure how she took it. I wanted to tell her so badly about my girl and what we had on/off the 4 years of high school.
I remember always wanting to be extra nice to gay people. I think I wanted someones gaydar to pick up on something in me. It never happened. It usually shocks people. It's neither here nor there, just a feeling I always had. If I felt the subject could be talked about, I feel I tried to give off hints that I had been with a girl before. Some times for male attention, some times for gay attention.
I always wanted people to know.
It bothers me that my parents haven't responded. Friends say no response is a good thing. It's better than replying with scriptures, or damning me to hell. It's better than replying in rage or fear and saying something that would burn a bridge. Surely a grandbaby will change things, but until then...will they want it to just go back to how it was? I'm tired of my girl not being able to go with me to their house. It'll be awkward the next time I'm around them. Mom's birthday is Aug 30th so I've got awhile to prepare before I will be around them.
Wishing the car dealership guy would call. I'm hoping we can trade. Looking at a 4Runner. Keeping fingers crossed on that one.
My girls mom is staying with us about a week. She had a body lift today. Major plastic surgery, in my opinion. She'll be in bandages for weeks. No shower for 3 days. It will be nice to have here stay, she's very cool. I couldn't ask for a better mother-in-law. My girls entire family is the exact same way. They don't see gender as a barrier. Live and let live, love and be loved.
I could sit and discuss this with you for hours...you have no idea. A few years ago I went on a cruise with my brother for three days. During that cruise I asked him if he was gay, after thinking he might be for literally years and years. He was reluctant at first, but did finally admit to me that he had feelings for a male friend of his. I was asking him so that he knew that he had someone in his family that he could talk to about things if he so chose. It truly has brought us closer, and although he has yet to breathe a word of it to our parents, I completely understand him being afraid. Unfortunately, homosexuality and even bisexuality are one of those topics for some people...I am still hoping you get your response even if it's nothing more than an open door and an invitation to talk about it. It's a part of you, as is your girl...Maybe they just need time to internalize everything before discussing it with you? Will your sister be the voice for everyone?
ReplyDeleteWith my brother I had to let him know how I felt. I didn't care, and I still don't. I just want him to find his own happiness and if that means being with another man, then so be it. It's about what makes HIM happy. Not about what the rest of us thinks is best for him. He is still my brother and always will be. Nothing will ever change that.
Hoping for the best for you...
Thanks Michelle. It is tough not having an immediate family member on my side. My bro in law is the closest thing, and his niece (T). It's still not the same when your parents/siblings don't want anything to do with you based on who you choose to spend your life with. Rejection is tough. TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH I'm glad you're open with your brother and he has a go-to person. That's an awesome thing for him :)
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