Got It All Out

I think I got it all out...most of it anyway. Its not a matter of me not liking her best friend, it's a matter of her best friend being a bitch to me when we went to visit her. I wish things were different. I wish I liked her best friend. I wish she had not been mean to me.

If you end up going to see her to buy that vehicle I am not going. I refuse to subject myself to that torture again. Yes being with my girl would be great but I don't want to go thru Round 2 of the same scenario.

I don't think you would stand up to her for me. That hurts me to say. I wish I knew you would. Why didn't your ex like your best friend either. This is 2 for 2 now.

If that guy came around would you stand up to your best friend and say NO, I don't want him around? I'm not so sure you would. Would you tell me the truth about him coming around? I know you would do that, but would I just have to live with it?

I don't mind your best friend coming here, to deliver the vehicle, but this is OUR house. So if we have to go by their rules when we are at THEIR house, the same applies in ours. If I want to run my noise machine at night, I will do that.

I will never forget BS telling me she hadn't seen you act like this about someone SINCE E (best friend/ex gf from long ago). I know there is nothing romantic there, but there is history. There seems to be an untouchable aspect about her. Is it loyalty? Is it all in my head and I'm just imagining it?

Why has the thought even gone thru my head that you would get back with her, ever? I know as well as the sun is coming up that will never happen. So why did the thought come in? Fear? I suppose. I don't want any fear. I want a fearless relationship.

I know what my girls insecurities are, and she knows mine. I don't want to find myself playing off HER insecurities.

I'm glad the best friend doesn't live here, she's 700 miles away. And maybe someday I will not feel this way.