Bisexual

Sometimes being bi-sexual is strange for me. I get that I'm attracted to the same sex, but I'm also attracted to the opposite sex. It used to be I would/could look at a guy and imagine what it might be like to sleep with him. Now if I look at a guy I am attracted to I don't think that way AT ALL. It's more of how I have always felt about girls I'm attracted to. I say to myself "oh, they are cute/hot/sexy" and then go on. I never imagine myself with ANYONE else but her. I have NO sexual attraction to anyone other than her. Is that normal? The thought of being with a guy now grosses me out, whereas it once didn't. Where does that come from? But I could never imagine being with another girl, either. Well there are a few celebrities but when I actually entertain the thought of BEING with them, I just can't go there. It feels wrong to even think it. I've never had that in a relationship before. I've never been this dedicated.

So, we're going to XYZ bar this weekend where girls are known to dance on the bar. The thought of that doesn't sound appealing to me. The only thing I will think of is how much fatter I am than them and critique their figure. The group we are going with is primarily lesbian. I don't understand what they get from watching girls dance on the bar. I've never wanted to see a male review, either. Strip clubs always interested me more. Now that I'm WITH a girl, that's not appealing anymore! I am wondering if there is a norm for bi-sexuals. Is what I feel normal...it's quite confusing. Because I'm not looking for someone to be with, it's a non-issue. But it's only natural to be attracted to other people in our daily routines. No one come across as anything desirable. Guys that I once would have thought to be "cute" aren't cute anymore. Is it the lack of penis in the last year that has caused my mind to be grossed out by them? I was at work the other day and saw one and thought what a rarity in my life now. I viewed it more as a sausage rather than something enjoyable. Probably because I KNOW I don't need one to enjoy sex.

When we go to a gay bar I'm not attracted to other women. That's when I feel the most out of sorts. It's not like I have to convince myself I'm bi-sexual, I just don't understand why other women are not attractive to me. Oh some are pleasing to the eye but there's no way I would ever flirt with another girl. It would be wrong of me to do so, but I would just be entirely too afraid. I don't flirt with guys like I once did. I will still say stuff just to get a rise but I'm nothing like I used to be.

Now I spend more time thinking about kids, safe vehicles, and if we can afford diapers.

Just my thoughts today about being bisexual. I feel asexual.