you know

You know its love when you have no desire to call Dr Navy. He never crosses my mind anymore. I don't want to talk to him for the first time in my life. I don't care what my ex husband is doing. I used to be so obsessed with trying to find out what his girlfriend is doing. She asked me not to look @ her myspace and I haven't. I always thought that would be a part of my daily routine, now I don't miss it. She's so good for me. I wish my mother wasn't around more and more. I wish that part of my life were more simple. Maybe someday. I think it would be easier to miss my mother than to live with her fundamentalist views being pushed down my throat. I'm completely in love with my girl. She's my everything. I want her to be my wife. I want babies with her. God I love you.

Life

Life is Good...it could probably be better, but I don't know how. It seems to get that way with each passing day. She makes me feel complete and whole and happier than I've ever been. I never get to spend enough time with her, hold her long enough, or kiss her sweet lips. It's never enough. I have a lifetime, tho. I keep reminding myself she isn't going anywhere.

I cannot quit thinking about having children with her. It consumes my mind. Not so much the actual child, just the sharing of something so intimate. We even talked about taking her egg and putting it in me and fertilizing with the sperm. It would cost more but I think it would be awesome. We had a wonderful weekend together. It didn't last long enough. Who knew sharing tater tots at Sonic could make someone so happy. I love everything we share. The laughter is endless and the intimate moments are one after another. I enjoy just laying in bed holding each other. I've never had someone who could do that. I've never loved someone as much as I love her. I don't think I even had most of these feelings for anyone else. I'm so unselfish when it comes to her, which is SO unlike me. I've always put myself first. After my divorce I told myself it would be about ME from now on. Not so. Its about HER. There are so many things I want to do with her, and places I want to go with her. The more I am away from the ex the more I realize how mean he was to me. I want to blame it on the fact he didn't know any better. He never had anyone show him a nicer way. At this point he isn't doing anything to remain friends. But I have come to the conclusion I don't want to be friends with him. He wouldn't enrich my life. He has nothing to offer me on any level now. She doesn't encourage or discourage anything with him. She just listens, which in itself is amazing. The ex never would just sit and listen. He would offer advice and then tell me I needed to listen to what he says. Dammit why didn't he just keep his mouth shut and listen? Oh well...its water under the bridge. I love being with a girl far more than a guy. From the fact when my boobs are sore she knows exactly what I'm feeling to the emotional aspect of not having to say a word when I have a bad day, or she will stay up til two in the morning just listening if I need to. And sex is by far 200 percent better!! She knows exactly where to touch and what to do. Men spend too much time trying to find the right spot or don't give a shit and think about their dick the entire time. She's amazing. She's incredible. She makes me feel everything I've always wanted to feel in a relationship. She told me I am her soul mate and that she never believed in those before me. She takes my breath away. I love the way she kisses me. I had a friend recently text me asking if my girl had gotten a job yet. When I told her I didn't want her to work she asked why. I told her that I enjoyed having her at home. She questioned my motives as to whether I was afraid she would meet someone else. I suppose it is a fear. It would destroy me if she left me for someone else. I can't say I'd do anything stupid but gosh I can see myself shutting down. It would be the worse thing to happen to me. I can't even entertain the thought. I trust her completely, which isn't a typical trait of mine. But its easier to trust her more than anyone else I've ever been with. She tells me I'm the best and most she's ever been with I suppose when she compares...but I wish I had a better perspective. It doesn't matter tho because she makes me feel like no one even compares to me. I'm in a good spot in life. I'm in a good spot with her. I'm truely happy.

Back from vacay...

How she always gives the right answers I will never know. I don't guess I have had enough relationships to know if its "ok" to compare or not but I can't help but compare her to my last relationship most of all. Some of the exact same situations will arise and the answers HE gave were cruel or smart assy or not understanding. Her responses make me smile, melt, and get weak in the knees. He and I used to sleep in the same bed all night until his snoring got worse. If I would wake him up I was chastised either then or the next morning for waking him up. He wouldn't allow me to wake him up...he said there wasn't any use in two people losing sleep. I also have a bad habit of popping my jaw where my TMJs hurt...he never would allow me to pop my jaw near him. I would get up and leave the room if I needed to pop my jaw. Coincidentally she has the same issue. She would never ask me not to pop my jaw--. Sometimes when I ask her if certain things bother her that I do she looks at me as if I am insane. And in my mind I'm thinking DAMN...I'm not gonna get bitched out or made to feel like shit for thinking a certain way or doing things a certain way. No matter what I say or do, its "okay" with her. There are no rules. No manerisms I am required to change to be around her. I can be myself and there is such a release and freedom in that.she doesn't even care if I don't shave my legs!! The ex would never let me throw my legs on him if they weren't freshly shaven. And she will kiss first thing in the morning if we haven't brushed our teeth. Gross? I honestly don't care. We were laying in bed one night at the beach and she snuggled up behind me and whispered "marry me" in my ear. When I think about that moment I lose my breath. I have never wanted to marry...and now she is who I want to be with forver and I feel like I want to make it ceremonial. We were sitting on the beach the night before we left and I started feeling emotional. So much so that I began to cry. She never said a word and just hugged me. Exactly what I needed. I was crying for several reasons...I didn't want to leave the beach, I was thinking about how unsupportive my parents are, and I was also thinking about how much she loves me. No one has ever loved me like she does. I think I was loved to the best of their ability but no one ever connected the way she does.I can honestly say I love her more than anyone in the world. She treats me so well, and respectfully. She enjoys doing things for me...cooking dinner, cleaning house, pumping my fuel , etc. It makes me feel a little helpless but she seems to get offended when I don't let her do things for me. I suppose if I were to compare again...she does "little things"to show she loves me rather than buying me things, like he did.I love doing things for her, too. When I see that smile of hers like I did when we rented that Jeep, my heart simply melts. I dont want to get in a habit of spending money to get that...because I can look at her with wanting eyes and get the same smile. I love looking at her. She's so beautiful. When she throws that ball cap on and gives me a "look" I would do anything she asked...ANYTHING. I am enjoying my life...it feels complete.

Trip

We're going to take a little trip down to Flo-Rida. Her cousin is still in critical condition, but it sounds like they are just going to observe her output for 3-4 days while cultures run in the lab. They cannot pinpoint where her infection is coming from. It's so sad. This is supposed to be a happy time with a new baby and pink everywhere. Instead this family is sitting in the ICU waiting room hoping she gets better.

I'm looking forward to getting away. It will bring us together, closer, even tho I wonder how that's possible. Laying on the beach listening to our iPod...can't get much better. Plus one day at U.S. with roller coasters will be fabulous!!

We're going to meet up with two other bloggers. Both I have met once before. Fun, Fun!!!

See you when I return.

Trying

Her cousin went into hospital for planned csection now she is laying in an ICU. The doctor perforated her bowel and she has infection throughout her abdomen. My girl and I have stayed at the hospital a lot. It has been a little trying because its not what I imagined for our first couple of weeks after she moved home. I'm so selfish that way. But we have done VERY well. I've been there for her when the family received not so great news. We have eaten out a lot and even spent the night together in the waiting room at the hospital. We end up having a great time together no matter the circumstances. I would say this has brought us as close together as anything could. It also allows me to get closer to her family, which I love!! They are so loving and accepting and take you in. My girl makes me feel so special and loved. Such an awesome feeling. I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore. I can say or blurt anything out of my mouth and she never chastises me or makes me feel like I'm doing anything wrong. I wake up everyday and wonder if my life is real. I ask myself when is she going to change her mind about me? She's too good to be true. We are always talking about matching tattoos. I'd like to come up with something unique, but meaningful. I want something that's exclusive to us. I am thinking about my left wrist where my watch would hide it. Or my foot. I can't decide. I never thought I'd put someones name on my body but I would love to entertwine our monogram together. I'm working on getting my name changed--going back to maiden name. I'm falling more and more in love with her everyday.

Things I Like

The fact that she doesn't like country music but she will go to a country concert with me because she knows "I" will enjoy it. She likes to be outdoors. She is self sufficient. Not needy. She can sit and do nothing but exist next to me and that is enough for her.

We have the best time together. We spent Saturday and Sunday at her family cabin. I have missed nature SO much. I haven't spent much time out in the country since I was married 4 years ago. I want to go camping with her. I think we could pitch a tent and not scream at each other. It's so refreshing to not have to walk on egg shells.

She doesn't get upset when we are driving and she or I make a wrong turn.

I could never sleep wrapped in someone's arms until now. I hate the thought of not going to bed with her or waking up next to her. I need her. Not to survive...but to be complete.

I love her....so so so much