Cessation

Well, today is the first day. The first full day she won't smoke a cigarette in 17 years, minus the 9 months she temporarily quit years ago. I googled things a spouse can do to help be supportive. I want this to go as smooth as it can. I know it's hard. Actually, I don't. I'm not addicted to anything.

I bought her a bag of 200 dum-dum suckers, you know...the ones you get at the bank. I also bought her a pkg of wax sticks, the little hot glue gun kind. That is what she used before to help her quit. I also bought her a card to stick in her bag on Monday to let her know how much I support her and am proud of her.

We made a plan to stay home Friday night and smoke everything in the house we had. I took a picture of THAT for our kids. lol I've had it since Dr Navy gave it to me 5 years ago. It wasn't the best, but it still worked. She finished her pack of cigarettes, and we drank a ton of vodka. It was a great night at home. We seem to have a lot of those.

I'm planning to take her to the movies tonight. Popcorn is one of her favorite food groups, so I told her it would be a popcorn extravaganza as her "reward" for her first day of quitting smoking. Not sure what movie we're going to see yet.

I hid the ash trays while she was brushing her teeth last night. I also hid the 2 packs of cigarettes she had left in her carton. I'll give those away to someone. I plan to take a walk after we finish dinner next week...that came as recommendation from the website.

I encouraged her to read the chapter about smoking in our baby book, if she got the urge to smoke.

I'm so proud of her. She, surprisingly, put something about doomsday on the social networking site. I think the Wellbutrin is helping. She's got a huge support group. I just hope the crabbiness doesn't get too intense. Monday will be hard for her at work. I will send her a text/email at her usual smoke break times and let her know I'm thinking about her.

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I have been going back and forth about writing on this next subject. It's still in my head, and on my mind, so I might as well get it out.

Nothing bad has ever happened to me. Ever. I've never gotten hurt in a relationship. I've never had my heart broken. I've never lost anyone close to me to an illness or death. I've never had a broken bone. When I think about these things I wonder how I will react when something bad does happen. It's inevitable, right? Is it better to go thru 30 years of my life with no pain, nothing to deal with, nothing to cry about, etc. Or would it have made me stronger, or emotionally healthier to have had some heartache? Who knows. But it scares me. I don't know if it's my age, or just negative nancy setting in, but it's like I'm constantly thinking about this. Not so much WHAT is going to happen, but how will I react? Will I go coo-koo? Will my life experience and observations of other going through hard times eliminate me from going crazy? How will I be? I imagine scenarios.... losing my girl, losing my sister, one of my parents, both, having my heart broken (not so much this one), losing someone in my girls family, experiencing my own trauma, etc. How have I managed to escape this for so long? How long will it last? Why do I even question it, or wonder about it? Is my subconscious or higher-being preparing me for something that is about to happen? Am I the only one with these thoughts? I don't want anything bad to happen...can I go through life with no loss or pain or heartache? I know the grieving process, does that mean I am exempt for the order of what is supposed to happen? Will I recognize it?