Timeline

Friday night I got off work unexpectedly two hours early. I stopped by BK and grabbed a chicken sandwich and made my way home. My girl and I chatted awhile and I suggested we have a drink. A drink turned into several, and we also found ourselves listening to radio tv stations and dancing. We had the BEST night at home acting like goof-balls. Making up dance moves and turning each other on with our best sexiest impressions. Gosh she's hot when she dances.

We went to see Natalie Merchant Saturday night. I have been wanting to see her since high school. Tigerlily was "our" CD. We would make out in my girls bedroom while it played, not having a clue what the lyrics meant. We didn't care. There was passion and feeling and innocent teenage hormones raging between us. The first set of the concert was her new CD which are poems she has set to music. We really enjoyed her arrangements. She's so lively on stage. Uninhibited by anything it seems. She exudes a sensual exhibitionism. Very sultry and sexy and yet dressed like someone from the 50s or 60s. I had a couple of nostalgic moments thinking back when we used to stare in each others eyes while listening to that CD. I think I turned 17 for a moment again. Wait, I'm not 17 anymore? Sure feels like it sometimes.

We have been discussing a timeline for wedding and insemination. My girl has not hidden the fact she wants more time for "us" before bringing a baby into the world. We both know a baby will steal our time from each other. We know it's selfish. We both want as much alone time as possible before 35 years old. We would like to have birthed our kids by 35 because of the high-risk potential. So rather than June of next year we have pushed it back 6 months to Jan 2012. It seems to have made all the difference to her, and it also makes me breathe a sigh of relief not to be so rushed, or pushed for financial means by next June. Having a baby in a non-conventional way can add up, especially if you don't get knocked up on your first try. So as it stands right now...wedding ceremony in Vermont Aug 6, 2011. Try for baby Jan 2012. Then, if all goes well, "I" will start the insem process the following January and hopefully have a baby before my 35th birthday in November 2013.

Today is my mothers birthday. She and dad are coming here tomorrow for a doctor appointment. I sent her an email last week asking if she would like to meet up. She said she would and they will call after the appt and we can have a meal together. This will be the first time I have seen them face to face since my letter to them. It will be hard to not incorporate my girl into most conversations, but I cannot "hide" her, or us. They do not have to acknowledge anything, but I will not go out of my way to hide my life. When do I ask them if she can come over for the holidays? Much closer to Christmas, unless they bring it up I'm thinking.

I want to take a western US trip. Yosemite? Southwest US? Glacier? Oregon? Colorado? Not quite sure, but I want to start planning it. It will be good for us. One last Thelma and Louise style party before kids. Only 2 more months until we go to Mexico. It's going to be here before I realize it, I keep forgetting about it!

We bought a basal thermometer today at Walgreens. A feeling of "wow" overcame me while we were on that aisle. I love her more than I did a year ago...and I didn't think that was possible. This time next year, I will be married. My ex husband got remarried. Maine. I saw his pic on his wifes FB. He looks old. He looks happy. All I see is someone I once knew. No feelings. No regrets of leaving. Distant memories and they become more faded with each year. I sometimes appreciate what time does for a situation.