Holy Gyno

We went to the doctor yesterday. Pap went fine. She told my girl she has a small birth canal, said it has nothing to do with hip size, has more to do with the bones around your pubis. Told her to just have it in the back of her mind a section might be a possibility. Told her to quit smoking...got a prescription for Wellbutrin. Oct 1 is the tentative quit date. I am behind her 200% on this. After reading in what to expect before you are expecting about what smoke/2nd hand can do to eggs as far as age them, I've not had one cigarette. I want another one...and will probably have one, or a cigar at the end of September when my girl's family barn party is happening.

She told her to start tracking her temperature everyday, starting with day 1 of her cycle. She told her she could get an ultrasound around day 15 of her next cycle and we'll look at follicles. She said we can order man in a can from any cryo bank we'd like to and have it shipped to her office. She said the success rate of being inseminated in her office vs doing it at home is much higher. But said if we'd rather do it at home, she can get us a kit for that, too.

I asked if we could make this "romantic" in any way. She said after she shoots the swimmers up she will leave tilt her pelvis up for about 20 min and we are welcome to use that time to do whatever we need/want. She said just not to tell the hospital IF we bring candles in...yes, I mentioned doing that. I want this to be as "special" as it can be, given the circumstances.

After evaluating her ultrasound and temperature for a few months she will decide if my girl needs Clomid (fertility drugs to regulate ovulation). She said chances of twins goes up 15%, and she is NOT a fan of twins. I'm not either, actually! I am not sure if I would give birth if my girl had two kiddos. Cross that bridge later. She wants her to start pre-natal vitamins at the first of the year.

As she walked out of the room the doctors last words were "lets get you gal pregnant!!" How lucky are we to find such a positive, alternative lifestyle friendly doctor. Her husband, who is in the same office, is the doctor who will deliver. She tells us he loves helping gay people get pregnant. She is from San Fran, so I am thinking that helps our situation.

So after I saw on the ex's social networking site he was living in a new city, I asked my girl to look at his blog and see for certain. I have not read his blog since last August. She had never looked at it. She read a few posts and said yes he has moved. She kept reading. I asked her to stop, and she did. But not before we started a discussion about his new happiness. I cannot remember verbatim the exact way she worded it but it led me to believe he is happier than he has ever been. She mentioned his trip with new gf to Vegas, which I knew. And it got brought up about him having a better time with her, than me. And then the conversation moved into if he had a better sexual compatibility with her than me. I began crying, which elicited questions of why do I still care?

I don't care about him per say, but I told her if would hurt my feelings if he was putting it online that his new life partner was better in bed than his last gf. My girl doesn't seem to understand why it would bother me if he said that. And all this is hypothetical but I do not know for a fact that he has even said anything close to this. I am not reading his blog, nor will I. I want to...out of sheer nosiness, but I won't let myself because it will become an obsession. I'm not opening myself up to that. I told my girl that even in 20 years if he wrote that someone else was better in bed than me, it would still hurt my feelings due to the sensitivity of that subject between he and I. Oil and water as CT said it. Oil and water...thats what we were. Looking back, in most areas of our relationship. I do hope he is happy, but am a bit surprised he would move in with someone, move north, and move in with someone who has a kid. I am hoping he has found happiness and someone compatible with him. And I hope he learned enough from our relationship to walk away and form a more healthy one. I know I sure did.

Anyway, my girls says there's something still there since I teared up talking about him/the situation the other night. I told her it was because of our sexual issues...and how much that hurt and gave me a scar, and she just peeled the scab off a little. I know I shouldn't discuss things like that with her, but she's my best friend, and sometimes its hard to just vent to other friends about things like that. I don't want anyone to think I've still got something for him, but I even ask myself...why, after over a year am I still writing about something that deals with him?